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Old 01-06-2011, 10:32 PM   #201
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Very well then...

HARK! Chapter 27 of Dark Mercury has crested over the horizon, eager to give itself over to your chapter-deprived eyes! Have at!

What's that you say? You still have not tasted the sweet nectar of previous chapters? Fear not, for they are available to thrill and astound you!

Huzzah!
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Old 01-07-2011, 11:58 PM   #202
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HUZZAH indeed!

My review from the site:

Quote:
Another fun ride of a chapter! Some great twists and turns in here and a good deal of development of plot and intrigue.

Now, the editorial game:

Kind of towards the end, definitely second half of the chapter:
Quote:
"Jacob looks up to see that Tyler looking back at him incredulously."
"...to see Tyler looking back..."?
"...to see that Tyler is/was looking back..."?

---

More importantly...
Dr. Van - Professor X of the mesh!
Actually, more like Professor Magneto or Magneto X (you get the idea).


On a somewhat related note, my fiancee has been editing a first draft of a (short) novel that a friend of our wrote. During this process, she has repeatedly lamented the word "said". Explaining how's it's such a dead expression. It doesn't tell you anything and stunts the immersion of the story.

Quote:
"Oh look at that thing up there," Jane said.
"Holy Crap! It's so huge," said Gary.
They walked a bit further when Jane said, "Let's explode."
"Alright," said Gary.
Then they exploded.
See? You know what's happening, but you don't really feel it. (Just to be clear, that wasn't from our friends story, I just made it up as I typed it.) Now I'll try it this way:

Quote:
"Oh look at that thing up there," came the breath of amazement from Jane.
"Holy Crap! It's so huge," exclaimed Gary, as he shat himself.
They walked a bit further when Jane didn't care about life anymore... sighing, "Let's explode."
"Alright," said Gary.
Then they exploded.
Better, right? I also left the last line by Gary with a "said" for a reason. Sometimes it's ok to use it, but insanely sparingly! In this example, it was left that way because it conveyed his emotion... kind of a lethargic "Fuck it".

The reason I bring all of this up, Augustus, is because you sir have a fine control over the dreaded "said". I've noticed it for awhile actually (it's also not the first time my fiancee has brought up the usage elsewhere) and I've been impressed with how you use those moments for flavor instead of those ugly dead stops.

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Old 01-13-2011, 11:18 AM   #203
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One of the perils of writing things in a "chapter a week" format (or even when I was doing two chapters a week) is that a couple of clue-type things get obscured due to the fact that you read the first part of it three months ago.

I bring this up because I'm curious if any of the points in question would be obvious enough to the reader who was reading them in real-time. I'm not sure how to go about asking, though, without risking spoilers.

My question to you readers is this. Can/should I ask possibly spoilery questions here, concealed by a button, or would you all just ignore them for fear of spoilers? I could also probably recruit one or two of you who are caught up and just ask you directly. Volunteers welcome.

What do you think?
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Old 01-13-2011, 05:19 PM   #204
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Would not having read the latest chapter yet hinder this experiment?

I'm going to get to it hopefully this evening.
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Old 01-13-2011, 05:35 PM   #205
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Would not having read the latest chapter yet hinder this experiment?

I'm going to get to it hopefully this evening.
Not really, no.

And there'll be another chapter going up sometime tonight as well!
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Old 01-13-2011, 10:39 PM   #206
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And there'll be another chapter going up sometime tonight as well!
Speaking of which...


There once was an author from Cali
In chapter posting he did dally.
But he got it together
Promised to be better
And added this one to his tally!


The guy from the previous tale
Has heard that some readers have failed
To keep up with the reading
That this book is needing
So click here and be so availed.

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Old 01-13-2011, 10:58 PM   #207
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Originally Posted by Augustus Bainbridge View Post
One of the perils of writing things in a "chapter a week" format (or even when I was doing two chapters a week) is that a couple of clue-type things get obscured due to the fact that you read the first part of it three months ago.

I bring this up because I'm curious if any of the points in question would be obvious enough to the reader who was reading them in real-time. I'm not sure how to go about asking, though, without risking spoilers.

My question to you readers is this. Can/should I ask possibly spoilery questions here, concealed by a button, or would you all just ignore them for fear of spoilers? I could also probably recruit one or two of you who are caught up and just ask you directly. Volunteers welcome.

What do you think?
I have nothing against spoilers so feel free to PM me whatever. However, fair warning - I have baby brain hence my memory capacity is ... sad.
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Old 01-18-2011, 05:53 PM   #208
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Yay! Took me almost a week, but I finally read 28! Good times, man.
Very interesting info in this chapter. I'll have to use that duct tape method next time! Lol... but really, my curiosity is piqued on a couple fronts.

Also, this line...

Quote:
judging what various things are for and where to put them
Immediately made me think of kitchen utensils, lol.


Normally I avoid spoilers like they were demon shit, but in this instance I'm happy to volunteer. Either that or support the spoiler button method. Or both.
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Old 01-18-2011, 06:51 PM   #209
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Normally I avoid spoilers like they were demon shit, but in this instance I'm happy to volunteer. Either that or support the spoiler button method. Or both.
Well, it's really not spoilery in that it was my INTENT for people to notice it, but I think it's gotten lost in the delay between chapters.

Anyway, here it is, worded to be slightly less spoilery:

Has anyone noticed the recurring appearance of the number 62 in a few different spots? This question is only spoilery if you go back and look for it TOO thoroughly.
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Old 01-19-2011, 12:49 AM   #210
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I think I may have a recollection of it. Not sure if I truly picked up on it or not, but I get the feeling I would have a bit more if I had been reading straight through.


For what it's worth.
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Old 01-19-2011, 01:46 AM   #211
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nope... baby brain... i don't think i picked up on it...
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Old 01-19-2011, 01:57 AM   #212
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Yep...I missed it, although I agree with Kick that I may have picked up on it reading straight through. Alas, we'll never know
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Old 01-19-2011, 11:18 AM   #213
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Okay, that's kind of what I thought. I'm going to put the real spoiler below the button here. Feel free to refuse to look, as seeing it all at once, it will be a bit heavy-handed.



Are you sure?



Well, this is only a couple of the references, really. Jacob was candidate number 62 when he was entered into the prison rehab program. The interlude was about Subject 62B. When Naomi gives Jacob the watch subroutine to run, it's "seven-alpha-foxtrot-six-two-bravo." There's a couple others, too, but those are the ones that were supposed to be caught.
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Old 01-19-2011, 02:10 PM   #214
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I remember thinking about that in this last chapter when Jacob is trying to remember the subroutine and says "six-two-bravo". Also, I noted the number for the interlude as well, now that you mention it. Knowing this, I definitely think I would have noticed by this time that 62 had come up more than once and may have some significance to it.
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Old 01-19-2011, 03:04 PM   #215
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Augie, i tease you about this but I want you to know I think it's awesome you are doing it and even more that you willingly submit yourself to scrutiny on the web like this.
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Old 01-19-2011, 11:11 PM   #216
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Augie, i tease you about this but I want you to know I think it's awesome you are doing it and even more that you willingly submit yourself to scrutiny on the web like this.
Thanks, Johnny. I frankly figure that the exposure to critique can only serve to make me better.
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Old 01-19-2011, 11:30 PM   #217
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Thanks, Johnny. I frankly figure that the exposure to critique can only serve to make me better.
It's still brave.
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Old 02-27-2011, 05:24 PM   #218
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I'd ben wondering why I hadn't seen this thread pop back up, so went and checked and saw the following (from Jan 28th):

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Dear readers,

For the last couple weeks, my real life obligations have severely impacted my availability to work on Dark Mercury. Rest assured that the site and story are not dead, and that I will be making every attempt to resume regular updates in the near future.

Thank you for your patience.
Just figured I'd make sure the thread was updated with that knowledge.

Also, these things happen. Freakin life comes waltzing along and is all "Hey fucker! Busy time!!" and then we're all like "Aww man.", but then other people are like "Don't sweat it man. We know how it is." and then we can be all like "Cool. I haz a bonar for j00z" and everything is cool and we eat some snacks and come back around whenever it's time.

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Old 02-27-2011, 08:18 PM   #219
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"Cool. I haz a bonar for j00z" and everything is cool and we eat some snacks and come back around whenever it's time.

rofl



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Old 02-28-2011, 12:02 PM   #220
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Thanks for relating that here, Kick...even with the bonar part. Hell, maybe especially the bonar part.

The main thing going on is that my department at work simultaneously had a 33% reduction in workforce and a 50% increase in work, and that doesn't even count when my boss decides that, to save his own ass, he needs to accept work from other offices so we look super-extra-mega busy.

That being said, I have a chapter sitting about 90% done that I hope to get out Tuesday or Wednesday night, and plan to get back on schedule soon.
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Old 02-28-2011, 05:45 PM   #221
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That being said, I have a chapter sitting about 90% done that I hope to get out Tuesday or Wednesday night, and plan to get back on schedule soon.




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Old 03-01-2011, 11:31 PM   #222
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It lives! A new chapter posted on Dark Mercury!

There's now an interactive Table of Contents page as well, just in case you haven't gotten caught up yet.

But I mean, really, I haven't posted a chapter in a couple months now...you really ought to be caught up.

I should be resuming a regular posting schedule now. Updates officially are on Wednesdays, which probably means Tuesday night.
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Old 03-02-2011, 01:02 AM   #223
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yays!
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Old 03-03-2011, 02:28 PM   #224
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Furthermore, for those of you who are interested, I have started a facebook fan page for Dark Mercury: Book Zero and beyond. Because, hey, I'm my biggest fan!

I'll still be posting updates here on the regular, but the Facebook group will be a more up-to-date listing of what's going on, how the next chapter is going, plus solicitations of feedback and story input from readers. And besides, social networking is the best place for me to spread the love, amirite?

So if you're so inclined, go click "Like" on the page and stroke my ego.
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Old 03-04-2011, 05:07 AM   #225
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Welcome back!!!

Of course, I couldn't let your return go without pointing out a couple things.

Quote:
The space had once been a skylight, but now all glass was gone
"but now all the glass"?

--

Quote:
“Where’s Cory?” Jacob asks.

“Didn’t make it,” Gina says flatly
Quote:
“I guess we can walk to the train,” Cory suggests.
o.O



I would SO go "Like" Dark Mercury on FB, except I don't have a page. Well, not as "Kick" anyway. Sorry, but it would reveal too much info to use my existing FB account.
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Old 03-04-2011, 11:07 AM   #226
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Ack...yeah, that second item should have been someone else, I'll go fix that.

I still think the first one was okay, though.

Thanks
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Old 03-04-2011, 03:54 PM   #227
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Yeah, it read weird to me when I first saw it... wasn't sure if you meant it that way or not, but you're right. It does work fine the way it is.

*goes to check the updated name*

So THAT'S who it was speaking... hehe.

I'm really looking forward to the next installment to see where this is going!
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Old 03-04-2011, 06:11 PM   #228
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I'm really looking forward to the next installment to see where this is going!
I actually just finished the next chapter during my lunch break, so it'll be released on time!

Hopefully, I can ride this wave and get a couple chapters ahead, so I don't end up having the posting lull again.
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Old 03-04-2011, 08:06 PM   #229
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If you do hit a lull, there is this cartoonist Im sure would be happy to help you out.

/ducks
/runs
/realizes auggie is a cyclist
/jump in car
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Old 03-07-2011, 01:02 PM   #230
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If you do hit a lull, there is this cartoonist Im sure would be happy to help you out.

/ducks
/runs
/realizes auggie is a cyclist
/jump in car
Man, I spent a year looking for an artist to hire to do these books as graphic novels, too.
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Old 03-07-2011, 04:18 PM   #231
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Man, I spent a year looking for an artist to hire to do these books as graphic novels, too.
eta just realized I'd only read the first 10-11 chapters [life intervened] so I'll have to catch up. Re. the graphic novel thingie... something I've long been interested in, believe it or not. But Earwig is the real talent in the family.
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Old 03-09-2011, 10:59 AM   #232
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Two updates on time in a row...go me!

Chapter 30 is up, for your reading pleasure.

As, of course, are all the others.

Have at.

(Apologies for not being a tad more witty, I'm exhausted)
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Old 03-09-2011, 01:17 PM   #233
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So Auggie, you writing a story or something?

















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Old 03-09-2011, 02:26 PM   #234
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So Auggie, you writing a story or something?

Presumably that's not a comment on the quality?
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Old 03-09-2011, 04:44 PM   #235
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Woof... that was a heady chapter!

I'm not surprised at the jealousy thing... as a matter of fact, I totally figured that was going to happen. I forget if I mentioned it somewhere, but yeah... I had seen it coming in the last chapter.


And here's my nitpick this time around:

Quote:
“And the third?” Jacob asks when Naomi doesn’t immediately continue.
I'm guessing that should be Lorelei
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Old 03-09-2011, 06:13 PM   #236
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And here's my nitpick this time around:



I'm guessing that should be Lorelei


Yeah.
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Old 03-10-2011, 11:08 AM   #237
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I like the pace! Woot!
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The following user says thanks:

Old 03-16-2011, 02:41 PM   #238
Augustus Bainbridge
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Why, look here!

Chapter 31 is up! Go read it! Go read the other chapters, too! Hell, reread the whole thing, just to remind yourself what happened earlier!
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3 users are now drooling and mumbling about pie:

Old 03-19-2011, 01:06 AM   #239
Augustus Bainbridge
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C'mon, Kick...it's been two whole days and you haven't made me go yet.
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This user laughed so hard that they peed a little:

Old 03-19-2011, 07:52 PM   #240
Kick Frenzy
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Lol. I forgot I had clicked Pie and meant to return to the thread and read the next chapter.
I think that may have been when I'd had a few beers and was minutes away from laying down.

Thanks for posting though, you reminded me I have that newest chapter to read!
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