Superficiality of D/s relationships and roles (All about image?) (O.o)
Okay... This has come up inworld more times than possible for it to be an honest mistake. (>_<)
For the past couple months, I think I've been wearing darker clothing or more coats or something... Either way, I've been approached very often lately with IMs like this:
Quote:
[10:25] ** **: sorry to bother you Miss, but are you interested in owning a slave any gender, no limits?
[10:26] ** **: Miss you look as a good domme
[10:26] ** **: i must admit ....
[2010/02/07 20:48] ** **: judging by your outfit i am assuming you are a domme....and juding by who is near you you may be busy..am i right?
[2010/02/07 20:48] Imnotgoing Sideways: I just dress dark and she is my friend. (._.)
[2010/02/07 20:49] ** **: just dress dark? so i suppose you are not a domme then
I'm starting to wonder what it is about me that screams "Domme!" to these people. Mind you, they're usually giant 7-bloody-foot-tall avatars, male and female, with every proportion... well... blown out of proportion. (>_<)
At best, I come up to waist high on the girls and thigh high on the boys. (._.)
What is the most superficial image of a domme you could come up with? And, what am I doing wrong (?right?)? (O.o)
... Is it all the black? (._.)
__________________
They would love to see me fall but I'm already on my back so it goes in one ear and right out the other. (^_^)
[16:00] ** **: You are very difficult to compliment. xD
Yeah, welcome to my world - when I was more interested in the scene in-world, it was rare to NOT be propositioned as a domme.
But what you are seeing is not superficiality of the relationship. No, you're seeing superficiality of a certain type of would-be hookup, one that is also in the RL scene. That IS all about image, and is almost uniquely the province of do-me bottoms (99% of the time male, in my experience) whose sole experience with the scene is porn.
If you look intimidating, they will try to convince you you are a domme, were always a domme, and really you should dominate them right now lest they get out of hand, because they've been very naughty.
2 users laughed. The question is: Are they laughing with you, or at you?:
I now have like 90 or so tats on my avatar and i get told - even when standing there in the nude that i look very Dominant. Which i don't get. Maybe these people are doing a lot of projecting.
The only time i seem remotely dominant is on forums. Face to face, even in SL, is much different.
It doesn't seem to matter much how I dress either. Admittedly my avie is very tall, but that's because I'm very tall in RL too - I'm used to being taller than most men, and have "upped" my SL height to compensate for the 8' stereoid abusers in SL. I think I measure in at 203cm in my "normal" avi, plus heels!
I also have a very short body - something like 152cm. Makes no difference, I still get the same queries. And one which is my RL height too, 185cm. Same - except that I don't use that very often so I don't know if I get hit on as much as with either of the two extremes.
Either way I have more slaves and subs than I'm really comfortable with. And there seems to be no end to them either!
Best I can tell is that unless they see you sitting Nadu, or on all fours, or have a chain on, they are going to assume you are a domme.
I love the ones that when we are talking, they are all Miss to me, and I will them, my name is Kokoro, Koko, or Hey, come back here with that. The ones that get the point and call me Kokoro or Koko I know have brains and a personality.
I have been wearing someones collar for over a year and what I thought was not really a typical sub relationship...just something private we shared alone. Really has turned out to be abusive nonstop. I was in the mindset it was and it really was all 100% that in every aspect. I have lost good friends and almost one of the best ones I have met because of my now ex-partner. I have to say I am so inexperienced in these relationships in the D/s world. Very naive to it all.
But now that is over for me, I really can see the light of day. Just do not know if I could ever do this again. It was very manipulative and never in my mind did I think I would let it happen to me
sighs anyway I just hope I can move far away from that junk and I now know how powerful it is to someone who was so clueless ....babbling
__________________
"I know that I alone am morally responsible for everything I have done but, I love my friends"
"I am a fairy, how fucking lame!"~ Sookie
Quote:
Originally Posted by Willow Matthews
when she contains that amount of squee in her pouch it's a definite yes from me.
~sometimes you share things with those you care about and ...
I have been wearing someones collar for over a year and what I thought was not really a typical sub relationship...just something private we shared alone. Really has turned out to be abusive nonstop.
On th eother hand I prefer the "Oh Glorious Goddess please abuse this lowly slave" intro to the other version...
8' male: U R HAWT
Lawra: Thank you - now read my profile.
8'male: U R RLY HAWT
Lawra: Did you read my profile?
8' male: YES n U R HAWT
Lawra: If that's the best you can come up with after reading my profile, you are obviously both stupid and illiterate. Goodbye.
I prefer it when this takes place on my own land - it gives me immense satisfaction to send these flying.
4 users laughed. The question is: Are they laughing with you, or at you?:
I have been wearing someones collar for over a year and what I thought was not really a typical sub relationship...just something private we shared alone. Really has turned out to be abusive nonstop. I was in the mindset it was and it really was all 100% that in every aspect. I have lost good friends and almost one of the best ones I have met because of my now ex-partner. I have to say I am so inexperienced in these relationships in the D/s world. Very naive to it all.
But now that is over for me, I really can see the light of day. Just do not know if I could ever do this again. It was very manipulative and never in my mind did I think I would let it happen to me
sighs anyway I just hope I can move far away from that junk and I now know how powerful it is to someone who was so clueless ....babbling
There are some really bad ones out there. I have met my share of them, and three of my girls are "rescued" from such Dom/mes.
I believe it's mostly "vanilla" people who think it would be "cool" to have a slave, and don't have the faintest idea about empathy or responsibility.
I make it very clear that in my view a leash has two equal ends, and that my counterpart to the collar happens to be invisible but no less binding.
One of the things from the real scene that left its mark on me permanently - I don't judge by appearances, in SL or otherwise.
I knew a woman who was never in leather or rubber - she was allergic to latex, in fact - and so she liked pastel colored silk or velvet, with elegant scarves or heavy stone necklaces.
She /scared me/. She could make one of the heaviest bottoms I have ever met weep and beg for mercy.
Likewise, Ren looks quiet and unassuming and I still haven't found the bottom of his particular rabbit hole. (STOP SNIGGERING.)
Meanwhile I'm approached all the time as a domme and... well... no, guys, really. I'm a top at best. And I'm not interested in a do-me sub.
I was just never into wearing a leash or any of that actually none of the A Typical stuff with this life style. It was just a private shared thought of a relationship...but the leash extends its self invisibly with mind games.
I tend to dress in very severe looking clothing much of the time. Even when I wear boots which are more like "restrained" style (I like that fetish look) it comes across in a "harder" look, regardless if I'm wearing a cossack outfit or a tutu. Somehow, I just never look submissive - I tend to look more severe, which I prefer. I've gotten many comments from strangers similar to Immy.
My partner, is a furry much of the time. Because of this, many people tend to make comments that he is my pet, in the sense that we're in a D/S type of relationship. We aren't. We were never even in a sexually human/furry relationship. Anytime we engaged in sex in SL it was with him in human form.
Come on. Sex with a llama? That's no fantasy, that's a freak show
When I started out I had a great Dom wont mention her name but she had a lot of Subs. Some good some bad but the number took a toll on her. They did suck all the fun out of sl for her.
Large % of subs are just attention whores
passive aggressive style most use is a game killer for the Dom.
I have been wearing someones collar for over a year and what I thought was not really a typical sub relationship...just something private we shared alone. Really has turned out to be abusive nonstop. I was in the mindset it was and it really was all 100% that in every aspect. I have lost good friends and almost one of the best ones I have met because of my now ex-partner. I have to say I am so inexperienced in these relationships in the D/s world. Very naive to it all.
But now that is over for me, I really can see the light of day. Just do not know if I could ever do this again. It was very manipulative and never in my mind did I think I would let it happen to me
sighs anyway I just hope I can move far away from that junk and I now know how powerful it is to someone who was so clueless ....babbling
Just another reminder of how "real" the virtual world can be. I've had my emotional trauma as well.
yikes Ramonna
I am so clueless to the world of D/s stuff I never did any of this socially or joined a group of them. I just cant see myself like that. (not that is good or bad just not me)
Just glad it was a one on one situation more like a personal relationship that went to another level of something.
I am sure there are great ones out there, I just never was involved with them to say either or and just talked of my experience with my partner of 1.5+ years and what was going on for me.
my apologies if it was construed that way
yikes Ramonna
I am so clueless to the world of D/s stuff I never did any of this socially or joined a group of them. I just cant see myself like that. (not that is good or bad just not me)
Just glad it was a one on one situation more like a personal relationship that went to another level of something.
I am sure there are great ones out there, I just never was involved with them to say either or and just talked of my experience with my partner of 1.5+ years and what was going on for me.
my apologies if it was construed that way
Just be careful some people it is worth it but know them outside the D/S first. The ones you dont are just one night stands. You dont have to swallow trust me
Just be careful some people it is worth it but know them outside the D/S first. The ones you dont are just one night stands. You dont have to swallow trust me
oh I have no plans of involving myself ever again with this, and we did for a very long time... it would be two years this summer.
but what a relief to hear some others and there stories on this
oh I have no plans of involving myself ever again with this, and we did for a very long time... it would be two years this summer.
but what a relief to hear some others and there stories on this
There are so many stories! Just randomly exploring with a friend one night, we ran into these two very nice women in a big room in a tree, who had a special comforting place for escaped / rescued kajirae (Gorean-style slave-girl); one or maybe both of them had been through that themselves. We had a long discussion about how people underestimate the danger of things because it's "just on the computer" or whatever, and get into things too deep, and not just in the relatively public Gorean "out there" stuff.
The freedom is wonderful, but it comes with danger...
This thread has strayed from Immy's question and I can say stuff about that too- but approaching Morgaine's thoughts on the subject -
Morgaine, I - as Hera - wear Damien's collar. Have for a year plus. I had read all sorts of things from Gor to D/s how to's (!) and novels for ages. I had never met anyone like Damien before. Oh I had felt the urge - briefly - that I could have played at being a slave or someone's property and even once before came close (in SL). Things played out quite differently, thank goodness, since I met Damien.
I have found there are as many levels to the feelings one can find in such a relationship as there are colors and not everyone's flavor of D/s is to all's taste. I think it is just a question of finding that resonance in another. There can be no room for distrust or abuse. In RL I cannot speak to this, but like someone said above, just because it's virtual doesn't make it any less real. The mind is a very strong thing.
I realize not everyone understands these things, and that's fine - It's sad though, when some either dismiss it as some sort of sickness or that attack the particpants with epithets and spite- you see all sorts of intolerance.
...I realize not everyone understands these things, and that's fine - It's sad though, when some either dismiss it as some sort of sickness or that attack the particpants with epithets and spite- you see all sorts of intolerance.
Oh, I can leverage off this to get blend in my OP topic... =^-^=
What about these attacks? I wonder; How much of the negative imagery the vanilla world has over BDSM-D/s-Gor is due to the aggressive dom(me)s and subs that approach random people in hope for a quick partnership. (>_<)
The mindless few ruining it for the many, no? Considering the vanilla exposure to BD play may be dominated by desperate and aggressive goofs could seed certain negative mindsets rather quickly. (=_=)
Consider my first example. I was in a Soviet overcoat and probably hip-high to the lady. Hardly a bondage appearence... Unless you're into KGB interrogation RP. ... (O.o) .... Ooh, good idea! =^-^=
But, I gave off just enough aura for her to target me as a potential domme. Okay, yes, I was on an adult sim... But... How many other random people would she have approached, quite unsolicited, that day? ...And, how many vanillas could she have potentially annoyed? (>_<)
Immy, a lot is just projected on you because of their needs or wants. I don't have a Domme bone in my body but because I have a very strong and confident personality I often, very often, get approached by people wanting to sub to me.
Sometime you can look like little orphan Annie and someone will take you for a Domme if that's what they are looking for.
Yea, for some reason people always approach me like i am a Domme.
Perhaps people figure that anyone who can control Nina, to the extent that she has talked about "being ripped a new one" after one particularly spectacular trolling session, must have Domme skills of a most uber nature.
7 users laughed. The question is: Are they laughing with you, or at you?:
Perhaps people figure that anyone who can control Nina, to the extent that she has talked about "being ripped a new one" after one particularly spectacular trolling session, must have Domme skills of a most uber nature.
Whereas others of us fantasize about being dominated by people who make long erudite forum posts on complex subjects...
7 users laughed. The question is: Are they laughing with you, or at you?:
Perhaps people figure that anyone who can control Nina, to the extent that she has talked about "being ripped a new one" after one particularly spectacular trolling session, must have Domme skills of a most uber nature.
No, i just throw fantastic fits, and thankfully she cares.
6 users laughed. The question is: Are they laughing with you, or at you?:
I have been wearing someones collar for over a year and what I thought was not really a typical sub relationship...just something private we shared alone. Really has turned out to be abusive nonstop. I was in the mindset it was and it really was all 100% that in every aspect. I have lost good friends and almost one of the best ones I have met because of my now ex-partner. I have to say I am so inexperienced in these relationships in the D/s world. Very naive to it all.
But now that is over for me, I really can see the light of day. Just do not know if I could ever do this again. It was very manipulative and never in my mind did I think I would let it happen to me
sighs anyway I just hope I can move far away from that junk and I now know how powerful it is to someone who was so clueless ....babbling
a good Dom will teach you. give you assignments/reading to help you understand your submission and discuss it with you. He/She will guide you, emotionally.You know when you have a good Dom is when you can go to that person and speak openly without fear or fear of back lash
The Dom and sub are always learning from each other. its never a one way street. When it does turn into a one way, it becomes what you have experienced. Manipulative and abusive.
just from what you posted, your Dom, forgot to tell you the most important thing about being a sub.
You do have a choice. You also had the choice if he held power over you or not.
Last edited by Tya; 02-09-2010 at 02:00 AM.
Reason: TIRED!!!
Okay... This has come up inworld more times than possible for it to be an honest mistake. (>_<)
For the past couple months, I think I've been wearing darker clothing or more coats or something... Either way, I've been approached very often lately with IMs like this:
I'm starting to wonder what it is about me that screams "Domme!" to these people. Mind you, they're usually giant 7-bloody-foot-tall avatars, male and female, with every proportion... well... blown out of proportion. (>_<)
At best, I come up to waist high on the girls and thigh high on the boys. (._.)
What is the most superficial image of a domme you could come up with? And, what am I doing wrong (?right?)? (O.o)
... Is it all the black? (._.)
it may not be how you dress, it may be the places you are hanging out in as to why you are being approached.
I fail to grasp how it is even possible/acceptable to approach a random stranger in such a matter. It is more intimate, i think, than," hey you wanna?"- IN the four years I have been here I have never had anyone ask me that oh so popular noob question actually. I was at Franks' I think it was years ago and one girl did latch on to me and try to get me interesteed to her- she acted bratty submissive - it's funny, it brought out a rather annoyed side to my personality - I was at the time dressed in latex though
Superficiality of D/s relationships and roles (All about image?) (O.o)
He sent pix to Trout to be rated but even Trout hasn't had the nerve yet lol.
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