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Old 09-29-2012, 02:42 PM   #41
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Him: What would answer you if I asked m ' marry ?
She: Nothing . I can not laugh and talk at the same time !
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Old 09-29-2012, 02:43 PM   #42
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Him: I think I could you make very happy .
She: Why are you leaving ?

Last edited by Tout; 09-29-2012 at 05:58 PM.
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Old 09-29-2012, 02:52 PM   #43
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SHE: If I came to die , you remarry ?
HIM: Well sure not !
SHE: No ? Why ? You don 't appreciate not being married ?
HIM: Well sure I ' appreciate !
ELLE: So why did you remarry you not?
HIM: Well , of agreement , I remarry if it can make you happy !. ..
SHE (the air sad ): Do you remarry ?
HIM: Well yes ? ...
HER: And you sleep with her ​​in our bed ?
HIM: Where would you think we sleep ?
Her: You would replace my Photo by hers?
HIM: Uh ... yes , well sure ...
HER: And she would drive my car ?
HIM: No , she can not drive ...
IT ...
HIM: Well shiiiiiiiiiiit . ..
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Old 09-29-2012, 03:29 PM   #44
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Tell me monique if i sleep with your hubby, are we still friends?

No.

Are we enemies?

No.

What are we then?

We are even.
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Old 10-08-2012, 12:29 AM   #45
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Stolen from someone on Facebook that most of you know:

Snow White, Superman and Pinocchio are walking along when they see a sign. It says "Contest for Worlds Most Beautiful Woman!" Snow White goes in and a short while later comes out with a smile and a crown.

They walk further down and see a sign that says "Contest for Worlds Strongest Man." Superman goes in and comes back out shortly with the belt and a grin.

Just a bit further down they come across a sign that says "Contest for Worlds Greatest Liar."

Pinocchio heads inside a short bit later comes out crying and feeling dejected. He looks at Snow White and Superman and says, "Who the hell is Mitt Romney???"



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Old 10-15-2012, 02:13 AM   #46
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A man got into a car accident and was in intensive care unit of Saint Mary's hospital when one of the nurses came to see how he was doing. She asked the man, "Do you have insurance?"

"No" says the man.

The nurse asks, "Do you have enough money to pay us yourself?"

Again the man says no.

Finally she asked him, "Do you have any family that can pay?" and the man answers, "Just my single sister, but she's a nun."

The nurse tells the man, "Nuns aren't single, they're married to God."

The man grins and says "Wonderful, send the bill to my brother-in-law!"
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Old 10-17-2012, 01:58 AM   #47
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One evening, after attending the theater, two gentlemen were walking down the avenue when they observed a rather well dressed and attractive young lady walking ahead of them.




One of them turned to the other and remarked, "I'd give $250 to spend the night with that woman."

Much to their surprise, the young lady overheard their remark, turned around, and replied, "I'll take you up on that offer." She had a neat appearance and a pleasant voice, so after bidding his companion good night, the man accompanied the young lady to her apartment.

The following morning, as he prepared to leave, the man gave her $125.




She demanded the rest of the money, stating, "If you don't give me the other $125 I'll sue you for it."




He laughed, saying "I'd like to see you get it on these grounds."

Within a few days, he was surprised when he received a summons ordering his presence in court as a defendant in a lawsuit. He hurried to his lawyer and explained the details of the case.




His lawyer said, "She can't possibly get a judgment against you on such grounds, but it will be interesting to see how her case will be presented."

After the usual preliminaries, the lady's Lawyer addressed the court as follows: "Your honour, my client, this lady, is the owner of a piece of property, a garden spot, surrounded by a profuse growth of shrubbery, which property she agreed to rent to the defendant for a specified length of time for the sum of $250. The defendant took possession of the property, used it extensively for the purposes for which it was rented, but upon evacuating the premises, he paid only $125, one-half of the amount agreed upon. The rent was not excessive, since it is restricted property, and we ask judgment be granted against the defendant to assure payment of the balance."

The defendant's Lawyer was not only surprised but also impressed and amused by the way his opponent had presented the case.

Naturally, his defense was somewhat different from the way he originally planned to present it.

He rose to the occasion! 'Your honor," he said, "My client agrees that the lady has a fine piece of property, that he did rent such property for a time, and a degree of pleasure was derived from the transaction.

However, my client found a well on the property around which he placed his own stones, sunk a shaft, and erected a pump, all labor performed personally by him.

We claim these improvements to the property were sufficient to offset the unpaid amount, and that the plaintiff was adequately compensated for the rental of said property.

We, therefore, ask that judgment not be granted."

The young lady's lawyer answered, "Your honor, my client agrees that the defendant did find a well on her property. However, had the defendant not known that the well existed, he would never have rented the property. Also, upon evacuating the premises, the defendant removed the stones, pulled out the shaft, and took the pump with him.

In doing so, he not only dragged the equipment through the shrubbery, but left the hole much larger than it was prior to his occupancy, making the property much less desirable to others.

We, therefore, ask that judgment be granted."

In the Judge's decision, he provided for two options: "Pay the balance $125 to the plaintiff, or have the equipment detached from its current location and provide it to the plaintiff for damages."




The defendant wrote out a check immediately.
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Old 10-22-2012, 11:31 PM   #48
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The pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won.

The pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the Race Again, and it won again.

The local paper read: PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT.

The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the pastor NOT to enter the donkey in another race.

The next day, the local paper headline read: BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S ASS.

This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the pastor to get rid of the donkey.

The pastor decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent.

The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day: NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN.

The bishop fainted.

He informed the nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey, she sold it to a farmer for $10. The next day the paper read: NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.

This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back the donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild.

The next day the headlines read: NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.

The bishop was buried the next day.

-------------------

The moral of the story is...Being concerned about public opinion can bring you much grief and misery...even shorten your life. So be yourself and enjoy life. Stop worrying about everyone else's ass and you'll be a lot happier and live longer!
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Old 10-22-2012, 11:34 PM   #49
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Old 10-27-2012, 12:12 AM   #50
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A small boy was lost at a large shopping mall. He approached a uniformed policeman and said, 'I've lost my grandpa!'



'The cop asked, 'What's he like?'


The little boy hesitated for a moment and then replied, 'Crown Royal whiskey and women with big tits.'
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Old 10-29-2012, 03:32 PM   #51
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The Italian man said, "Last week, my wife and I had great sex. I rubbed her body all over with olive oil, we made passionate love, and she screamed for five full minutes at the end!"

The Frenchman boasted, "Last week when my wife and I had sex, I rubbed her body all over with butter. We then made passionate love and she screamed for 10 minutes!"

The Jewish man said, "Well, last week my wife and I also had sex. I rubbed her body all over with schmalz (chicken fat). We made love, and she screamed for over six hours!"

The other two were stunned.

The amazed Frenchman asked, "What could you have possibly done to make your wife scream for six hours?"

The Jewish man replied, "I wiped my hands on the bedspread."
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Old 10-29-2012, 03:40 PM   #52
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I can identify with that lady.
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Old 10-29-2012, 09:59 PM   #53
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Buddy of mine posted this on my wall.
I figured I would share it.

Rednecks have the lowest stress rate because they do not take medical terminology seriously.

Artery - The study of paintings

Bacteria - Back door to cafeteria

Barium - What doctors do when patients die

Benign - What you be, after you be eight

Caesarean Section - A neighborhood in Rome

Cat scan - Searching for Kitty

Cauterize - Made eye contact with her

Colic - A sheep dog

Coma - A punctuation mark

Dilate - To live long

Enema - Not a friend

Fester - Quicker than someone else

Fibula - A small lie

Impotent - Distinguished, well known

Labor Pain - Getting hurt at work

Medical Staff - A Doctor's cane

Morbid - A higher offer

Nitrates - Rates of Pay for Working at Night, normally more money than Days

Node - I knew it

Outpatient - A person who has fainted

Pelvis - Second cousin to Elvis

Post Operative - A letter carrier

Recovery Room - Place to do upholstery

Rectum - Nearly killed him

Secretion - Hiding something

Seizure - Roman Emperor

Tablet - A small table

Terminal Illness - Getting sick at the airport

Tumor - One plus one more

Urine - Opposite of you're out.
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Old 11-12-2012, 02:05 PM   #54
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One day, Little Johnny overheard his parents fighting. Later, he asked what "bitch" and "bastard" mean. They explained that they mean "lady" and "gentleman."

The next day, he overheard his parents having sex. He later asked what "penis" and "vagina" mean. His parents explained that they refer to "hats" and "coats."

At supper the next day, Little Johnny's mom cut her finger in the kitchen and yelled, "Oh f**k!" Little Johnny asked what that meant, and she said it means "cut."

A week later, guests arrive for Thanksgiving dinner. Little Johnny welcomes them at the door, saying, "Hello bitches and bastards! Hurry up with your penises and vaginas -- we can't wait to f**k the turkey!"
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Old 11-13-2012, 11:25 AM   #55
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My mother told us -- when we were small, of course -- that the word for breasts was "rattles." I have no idea why or where she got this notion, but it was an awful mistake. We quickly got the idea that "rattles" was not a proper word that people said to each other in open conversation. So my sister, brother, and I would all break into smirks or even fits of giggles whenever anyone used the word "rattle." And it didn't help that women sometimes openly nursed, because it prompted me, while observing nursing on a city bus, to whisper to my mother, "Mommy, that lady has her rattles out." "Hush, it's not polite to speak of it," was her unintentionally reinforcing reply.
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Old 11-16-2012, 12:23 PM   #56
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A man wakes up in the hospital, bandaged from head to foot.

The doctor comes in and says, "Ah, I see you've regained consciousness. Now you probably won't remember, but you were in a huge pile-up on the freeway. You're going to be okay, you'll walk again and everything, however, your penis was severed in the accident, and we couldn't find it."


The man groans, but the doctor goes on, "You have $9000 in insurance compensation coming, and we now have the technology to build a new penis. They work great, but they don't come cheap. It's roughly $1000 an inch."

The man perks up.

"So," the doctor says, "You must decide how many inches you want. But I understand that you have been married for over thirty years, and this is something you should discuss with your wife. If you had a five incher before and get a nine incher now, she might be a bit put out. If you had a nine incher before and you decide to only invest in a five incher now, she might be disappointed. It's important that she plays a role in helping you make a decision."

The man agrees to talk it over with his wife.

The doctor comes back the next day, "So, have you spoken with your wife?"

"Yes I have," says the man.

"And has she helped you make a decision?"

"Yes" says the man.

"What is your decision?" asks the doctor.


"We're getting granite counter tops!"
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Old 11-17-2012, 11:10 PM   #57
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Q: Hey, what did Kermit the Frog say when Jim Henson died???






A: Nothing.
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Old 12-03-2012, 03:51 PM   #58
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Two young boys walked into a pharmacy one day, picked out a box of tampons and proceeded to the checkout counter.

The man at the counter asked the older boy, "Son, how old are you?"
"Eight," the boy replied. The man continued, "Do you know what these are used for?"

The boy replied, "Not exactly, but they aren't for me. They're for him. He's my brother and he's four. We saw on TV that if you use these you would be able to swim and ride a bike. Right now, he can't do either."
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Old 12-04-2012, 12:28 AM   #59
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Not a joke but a good revenge.

I was in the student union late one night, with a bunch of friends. I had to go to the bathroom *real*bad*, the kind where you needed.a.bit.of.SERIOUS.privacy.

There was only one bathroom open. There was only one stall, and someone was in there reading the paper. Sections were strewn all over the floor. Obviously, the gentleman had been in there for quite some time and looking to stay even longer. I asked, politely, if he could finish up so I could use it.

No answer. I asked again.

He turned a page. Still no answer.

I was desperate, so I opened a window, and walked out of the bathroom. When I came back five minutes later, there was no man, no paper, the stall was open, clean, and ready for use. The window was even closed.

Minneapolis. Early February. Week long cold snap.
Fifteen degrees below zero, Fahrenheit.
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Old 12-13-2012, 04:55 PM   #60
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In a small Southern town there was a "Nativity Scene" that showed great skill and talent had gone into creating it. One small feature bothered me. The three wise men were wearing firemen's helmets. Totally unable to come up with a reason or explanation, I left.


At a "Quick Stop" on the edge of town, I asked the lady behind the counter about the helmets. She exploded into a rage, yelling at me, "You damn Yankees never do read the Bible!" I assured her that I did, but simply couldn't recall anything about firemen in the Bible. She jerked her Bible from behind the counter and ruffled through some pages, and finally jabbed her finger at a passage. Sticking it in my face she said "See, it says right here, 'The three wise man came from afar.'"
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Old 12-29-2012, 12:08 AM   #61
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I told the first one in another thread, but since it is so good I am going to repeat it here.
The second one is new.

------------------------------------------------

Why did the semen cross the road?
I put on the wrong sock this morning!

------------------------------------------------

This cop retires from the police force and moves up to the wilds of Alaska.
He has a huge plot of land up there, and only goes in to town about once a month for groceries. Well, he has been living up there hunting, fishing, and just generally loving retired life for about 9 months. Suddenly, one day, he hears a knock at the door.
Surprised, he opens it and there is a massive guy at his door.

The man says, "Hey, name's John, I'm your neighbor about 20 miles to the north."
The ex cop says, "It's nice to meet ya, I'm Tim."
John says, "Well, I just wanted you to know that I'm throwing a birthday party at my place in about a week and I'd like it if you could make it.
Tim says, "Well, hell that would be great John. I don't know any of the neighbors and it's been awhile since I've really talked to anybody."
John says, "Well, I've gotta warn ya there will probably be drinking."
Tim says, "Well, that is fine, I'll bring some to share!"
John says, "Probably be some fighting too"
Tim says, "Well, I'm pretty peaceful I tend to avoid all of that, but it isn't a problem."
John replies, "Well, they'll probably be some sex at the party as well."
Tim says, "Oh hell, I've been in my cabin alone for months, I've got no problem with that! By the way John, what should I wear?
John replied, "Well, it don't much matter Tim, it's just gunna be us."
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Old 12-29-2012, 04:16 AM   #62
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Mrs Crashalot wakes up this morning with an unbearable pain in her mouth and decides to take an appointment with the new dentist in town Mr Reboot.
She thinks....Jim Reboot! Jim Reboot we had a J. Reboot in our class in 75 at the high school and we the girls were all in love with him he was so handsome maybe he is the same ? I will have to ask him..
After the doc worked on her tooth she asked him.
I'm sorry Mr Reboot but were you in my class A' in 75 at the school *Governor Linden perhaps?
( No he can impossible be the same the doc look so old, bald and fat with so much wrinkles on his face)
Well let me look at you....No i'am sorry i do not remember you but yes i was at this school and class in 75.... And what did you teach us?
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Old 12-29-2012, 10:46 AM   #63
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what do you get when you cross a vampire with a snowman?



























































































FROSTBITE!!!!!
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Old 12-29-2012, 06:15 PM   #64
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I was trying to figure out something about murder in cold blood.
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Old 12-31-2012, 11:04 AM   #65
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Two old guys, one 80 and one 87, were sitting on a park bench one morning.

The 87-year-old had just finished his morning jog and wasn't even short of breath.

The 80-year-old was amazed at the guy's stamina and asked him what he did to have

so much energy.


The 87-year-old said, "Well, I eat rye bread every day. It keeps your

energy level high and you'll have great stamina with the ladies."

So, on the way home the 80-year-old stopped at the bakery.
As he was looking around, the saleslady asked if he needed any help.
He said, "Do you have any rye bread?"
She said, "Yes, there's a whole shelf of it. Would you like some?"
He said, "I want five loaves."
She said, "My goodness, five loaves! By the time you get to the 3rd loaf, it'll be hard."

He replied, "I can't believe everybody knows about this shit but me."
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Old 12-31-2012, 05:35 PM   #66
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A man was walking along a California beach and stumbled across an old lamp. He picked it up and rubbed it, and out popped a genie.

The genie said, "OK, You released me from the lamp, blah blah blah. This is the fourth time this month and I'm getting a little sick of these wishes so you can forget about three... you only get one wish!"

The man sat and thought about it for a while and said, "I've always wanted to go to Hawaii, but I'm scared to fly and I get very seasick. Could you build me a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over there to visit?"

The genie laughed and said, "That's impossible!!! Think of the logistics of that! How would the supports ever reach the bottom of the Pacific? Think of how much concrete -- how much steel!! No, think of another wish."

The man said "OK. I will try to think of a really good wish." Finally he said, "I've been married and divorced four times. My wives always said that I don't care and that I'm insensitive. So, I wish that I could understand women, know how they feel inside and what they're thinking when they give me the silent treatment, know why they're crying, know what they really want when they say "nothing," and know how to make them truly happy."

The genie said, "Do you want that bridge to be two lanes or four?"



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Old 01-02-2013, 01:46 AM   #67
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A Scottish couple took in an 18-year-old girl as a lodger. She asked if she could have a bath, but the woman of the house told her they didn't have a bath, although if she wanted to, she could use a tin bath in front of the fire.

"Monday's the best night, when my husband goes out to darts," she said.

The girl agreed to have a bath the following Monday.

After her husband had gone to the pub for his darts match, the woman filled the bath and watched the girl get undressed. She was surprised to see that the lass didn't have any pubic hair. She mentioned this to her husband when he came home. He didn't believe her, so she said:
"Next Monday, when you go to darts, leave a little early and wait in the back garden. I'll leave a gap in the curtains so you can see for yourself."

So the following Monday, while the girl again got undressed, the wife asked:

"Do you shave?"

"No," replied the girl. "I've just never grown any hair down there. Do you have hair?"

"Oh, yes," said the woman, and she pulled up her nightdress and showed the girl that she was really generously endowed in the hair department.....very generously indeed.

The girl finished her bath and went to bed.

Later that night, when the husband came in, the wife asked him, "Did you see it?"

"Yes," he said, "but why the hell did you have to show her yours."

"Why ever are you worried about that?" she said. "You've seen it often enough before."

"I know," he said, "but the darts team hadn't” !!



P2
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Old 01-03-2013, 12:57 PM   #68
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Old 01-08-2013, 12:48 PM   #69
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A pastor was presenting a children's sermon. During the sermon, he asked the children if they knew what the resurrection was. Now, asking questions during children's sermons is crucial, but at the same time, asking children questions in front of a congregation can also be very dangerous.

Having asked the children if they knew the meaning of the resurrection, a little boy raised his hand. The pastor called on him and the little boy said, "I know that if you have a resurrection that lasts more than four hours you are supposed to call the doctor."
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Old 01-08-2013, 04:07 PM   #70
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A blonde walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the Loan
officer. She says she's going to Europe on business for two weeks
and needs to borrow $5,000.

The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for
the loan, so the blonde hands over the keys to a new Mercedes Benz SL
500.

The car is parked on the street in front of the bank, she has the
title and everything checks out. The bank agrees to accept the car
collateral for the loan.

The bank's president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the
blond for using a $110,000 Benz as collateral against a $5,000 loan.

An employee of the bank then proceeds to drive the Benz into the
bank's underground garage and parks it there. Two weeks later, the
blonde returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to
$15.41.

The loan officer says, "Miss, we are very happy to have had your
business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are
a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found
that you are a multimillionaire.

What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow $5,000?"

The blonde replies, "Where else in New York City can I park my Car
for two weeks for only $15.41 and expect it to be there when I
return?"
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Old 01-22-2013, 12:39 PM   #71
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The Bacon Tree



Two Mexicans are stuck in the desert after crossing into the United States , wandering aimlessly and starving.



They are about to just lie down and wait for death, when all of a sudden Luis says:

"Hey Pepe, do you smell what I smell.



Ees bacon, I theenk."



"Is, Luis, eet sure smell like bacon."



With renewed hope, they struggle up the next sand dune, & there, in the distance, is a tree loaded with bacon.



There's raw bacon, there's fried bacon, back bacon, double smoked bacon, every imaginable kind of cured pork.



"Pepe, Pepe, we ees saved!

Ees a bacon tree!"

"Luis, maybe ees a meerage?

We ees in the desert don't forget."



"Pepe, since when deed you ever hear of a meerage that smell like bacon?

Ees no meerage, ees a bacon tree!"



With that, Luis staggers towards the tree.

He gets to within 5 yards, Pepe crawling close behind, when suddenly a machine gun opens up, and Luis drops like a wet sock.



Mortally wounded, he warns Pepe with his dying breath:

"Pepe, go back man, you was right, ees not a bacon tree!"



"Luis, Luis miamigo, what ees it?"

"Pepe ees not a bacon tree.

Ees...



Ees...



Ees...



Ees...



Ees...



Ees...



Ees... a ham bush."
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Old 01-22-2013, 03:23 PM   #72
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It is a neuron that happens in a male brain, event
very rare but it happens!
short, poor neuron found all alone in a big
empty box and black.
"Hou hou" cried the little neuron, misery, poor little
neuron, nobody replied.
"Hou Hou" shouts still small neuron and he hears only
the echoes of his voice.
So desperate, and our poor brave little neuron male
settles into a corner and started to cry.
Suddenly, another small neuron arrives breathless in the brain
male and shouts in our small neuron in tears:
"Hey you ! What are you doing here? We're all down ... "
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Old 01-22-2013, 03:57 PM   #73
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Mrs. telephone her husband to his vacation spot:
- Are you okay? The cat is healthy?
- No, he is dead
- you could spare me, prepared me for this terrible news. You could have told me he was walking on the edge of the balcony. And mother, she okay?
- She was walking on the edge of the balcony ...
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Old 01-22-2013, 04:10 PM   #74
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Honey, tell me what you prefer,
a pretty woman or a clever woman?
- Neither the one nor the other, darling,
you know I love only you.
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Old 01-22-2013, 04:30 PM   #75
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A 15 year old boy walks in to a drug store and asks the Pharmicist, "Sir, how much is a condom?" The Pharmicist replies, "Well, we don't just sell one, they come in packs of 3, and they are $3.75." The boy says, "3.75?! I can't afford that! My new girlfriend and I were planning a 'special evening' to celebrate our 2 week anniversary!" The Pharmicist replies, "Look, go ahead and take one. I'm glad you are practicing safe sex."

Later that evening, the boy is over at his girlfriends having dinner with her and her parents, his girlfriend notices that his head is still bowed after saying grace. She leaned over and whispered to him, "Johnny, I didn't know you were so religious." The boy replied, "I didn't know your father is a pharmacist!"
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Old 01-22-2013, 04:37 PM   #76
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So, a good friend of mine was at a bar last Saturday night. This is his story. He meets this girl who is about 65, but she isn't all that bad looking considering her age. He thinks to himself man, it's been awhile, besides, she isn't all that bad, what the hell.

They're drinking, and chatting, suddenly she leans over and says, "Have ya ever had a sportsmans double?" He replied, "No, I've never heard of that? What is it?" She smiles and replies, "It's a mother and daughter... at the same time" and she smiles.

He's like, "I've never done that, but it sounds like a damn good time!!!" and they go off to her house.

They go inside giggling and laughing, and as she steps inside, she shouts in to the darkness, "Hey Mom! You still up?"

As far as I know, my buddy is still there...
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Old 01-22-2013, 10:12 PM   #77
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Oh look at this *one said Miss boumbalaboum resident to her friend!
Yeah answered Flower Xue, he is so ugly that when he is going at * Forever sluts* the whores rush like they have to take the next cable car!


* Any resemblance to existing persons or avatars living or dead is purely coincidental*
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Old 01-23-2013, 02:27 PM   #78
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A man escapes after 15 years of prison.
He enters a house to steal some money and a rifle and he finds a young couple in bed.
He orders to the man to get out of the bed and tie him to a chair.
He attaches then the woman to the bed, and kiss her on her shoulder.
Then the fugitive gets up and goes away in the bathroom.
The quite terrified husband takes advantage of it to say to his wife: - " listen to me my darling, it is an escapee of prison, looks at its clothes, he did not see a woman for a long time I saw how he embraced you in the neck. If he wants sex, does not resist, make what he wants. Give him satisfaction even if you feels reluctant. If he gets angry, he can kill us. Be strong darling. I love you! "
His wife answers him: - " he did not kiss me in the neck Hejust whispered me in the ear that he is gay, and that he found you in his taste, and wanted to know if we had some lubricating oily substance ". I said to him yes, in the bathroom... Be strong cheri.... I love you. "
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Old 01-24-2013, 10:55 PM   #79
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For some reason, Tout's jokes are cracking me up. They aren't funny, but the delivery is hilarious. Well, maybe they're funny. It's hard to tell. I'm going to translate them into English. I bet I can make them funny.

Sent via semaphore
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Old 01-27-2013, 10:57 PM   #80
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An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house, and after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen.
The two gentlemen were talking, and one said, 'Last night we went out to a new restaurant and it was really great. I would recommend it very highly.'
The other man said, 'What is the name of the restaurant?'
The first man thought and thought and finally said, 'What's the name of that flower you give to someone you love? You know, the one that's red and has thorns.'
'Do you mean a rose?'
'Yes, that's the one,' replied the man. He then turned towards the kitchen and yelled, 'Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to last night?'
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