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Two Priests
Old 11-30-2010, 07:19 AM   #1
Skegg
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Two priests are in a Vatican bathroom using the urinals. One of them looks at the other one's penis and notices there's a Nicoderm patch on it. He looks at the other priest and says, "I believe you're supposed to put that patch on your arm or shoulder, not your penis." The other one replies, "It's working just fine. I'm down to two butts a day."












































*IF YOU LAUGH....YOU'LL GO STRAIGHT TO HELL!!!!
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Old 11-30-2010, 09:06 AM   #2
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I don't believe in Hell. So there.
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"...My body isn't a temple so much as it's a littered-up roadside cross with fake flowers stuck to it." ~Oryx

"...he may know what he actually meant, but we certainly cannot. It's like some biblical quote pulled at random from Revelations and used to support Jesus wielding Colt 45s and riding a tyrannosaurus rex at the Final Battle, only much shorter and bilingual. Maybe." ~Govi
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This user agrees. But then, who wouldn't, right?

Old 11-30-2010, 10:23 AM   #3
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Old 11-30-2010, 04:04 PM   #4
Duke
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On their way to a justice of the peace to get married, a couple has a fatal car accident. The couple is sitting outside heavens gate waiting on St. Peter to do the paperwork so they can enter. While waiting, they wonder if they could possibly get married in Heaven. St. Peter finally shows up and they ask him. St. Peter says, "I don't know, this is the first time anyone has ever asked. Let me go find out," and he leaves.

The couple sit for a couple of months and begin to wonder if they really should get married in Heaven, what with the eternal aspect of it all. "What if it doesn't work out?" they wonder, "Are we stuck together forever?" St. Peter returns after yet another month, looking somewhat bedraggled. "Yes," he informs the couple, "you can get married in Heaven." "Great," says the couple, "but what if things don't work out? Could we also get a divorce in Heaven?"

St. Peter, red-faced, slams his clipboard onto the ground. "What's wrong?" exclaims the frightened couple. "Geez!" St. Peter exclaims, "It took me three months to find a priest up here! Do you have any idea how long it's going to take for me to find a lawyer?"
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Old 11-30-2010, 07:50 PM   #5
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I've told this one in one of these fora before, but it bears repeating.

Mother Superior of the convent lines up all twelve of her nuns up in the garden one day and says, "Sisters, we have some terrible news."

All of the nuns stare wide-eyed.

M.S. says, "Last night, a MAN broke into the convent!"

11 of the nuns gasp, one titters.

M.S. says, "We found a USED CONDOM in the shrubberies!"

11 of the nuns gasp, one titters.

M.S. says, "There was a HOLE in the CONDOM!"

11 of the nuns titter, one gasps.

~~~~~

Then there's this one [if I can remember it right]:

Man is driving in the Nevada desert and sees a billboard: Come Get Fucked by the Holy Sisters of the Immaculate Conception Convent and Whorehouse.

Curious and horny, he goes there.

Mother Superior answers the door and the man asks about the billboard.

"Oh, yes, my son, that's us! Why, did you want to get fucked by the Holy Sisters of the Immaculate Conception Convent?"

The man grins laciviously and says, "Yes, indeed, Ma'am, I am very interested!"

Mother Superior smiles and leads him into a parlor, where several beautiful young Sisters are sitting about in various highly erotic configurations of garters, stockings, and habits.

He asks the Mother, "These girls are ALL VIRGINS?" and she nods, smiling, "It is a requirement of our order that all of our members be virgins."

The man picks out the voluptuous and beautiful young Sister of his choice, who leads him down a long, dark hallway, tittering.

At the end of the hallway, she suddenly turns left into a bedroom, and helps him- now highly aroused- to remove all of his clothing. Then she sidles up to him, making him tremble in lust, and suddenly shoves him back out into the hallway, slamming the door shut in his face. Two burly lay brothers appear out of nowhere, open the heavy outer door to the alley behind the convent, and toss him out, naked, locking it in his face.

When he turns around, he sees, painted on the alley wall, "Blessings upon you. You have just been fucked by the Holy Sisters of the Immaculate Conception Convent. Go in peace."
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Old 12-15-2010, 01:09 PM   #6
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Amish Elevator



A fifteen year old Amish boy and his father were in a mall. They were
amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny,
silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again.
The boy asked, 'What is this Father?'

The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, 'Son, I have
never seen anything like this in my life, I don't know what it is.'
While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, a fat old
lady in a wheel chair moved up to the moving walls and pressed a
button. The walls opened, and the lady rolled between them into a
small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched the
small numbers above the walls light up sequentially.

They continued to watch until it reached the last number… and then the
numbers began to light in the reverse order.

Finally the walls opened up again and a gorgeous 24-year-old blond stepped out.
The father, not taking his eyes off the young woman, said quietly to
his son.....





'Go get your Mother'
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Old 10-30-2013, 02:25 AM   #7
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