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Friend really needs a brain check...
Old 07-08-2010, 11:22 AM   #1
Amaranthim Talon
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Default Friend really needs a brain check...

So...

Yes really it is about a friend OK?
I have a friend who has illusions of Masterhood - myself personally, from seeing how his girls kinda run all over him and make the rules I just don't see it but hey what do I know? Anyway- he met this girl in SL - she is here in the states he is in France, she is French and is going back home. They only met a short time ago, btw - not sure how long. She has a fantasy of being a slave and a prostitute - she is 24 yo, he is 38 - This weekend she is traveling to France where she will meet this man she has only communicated with from a distance so far. Supposedly - my friend does not have to put her up anywhere or be in anyway financially responsible for her. He has given her a schedule when he wil be available to uhm - Master her I guess..

To me the chick sounds crazy but then I don't really think my friend is palying with a full deck and that he is letting his own fantasies cloud practicalities.

In the spirit of protecting him I have offered the following suggestions but want others to please kick in a few, if you would.

1) No RL info of him - (I don't know if it is too late) No name, address etc.

2) No unprotected sex- obviously.

3) Leave no marks on her to prevent any future accusations.

4) Whenever possible, no trace of himself in hotel room - such as used drinking glass or condoms -

5) Throway fone

6) A "contract" of time- so that when he tires of the game he has an exit strategy of course renegotiable.

I then linked him to a contract with more details on a bdsm site-

Really, I just want some suggestions to keep him from throwing away his life and future as this just seems beyond stupid to me.

Thanks folks...

(As for the girl- she is not my concern- if she isn't crazy and just wants to live a fantasy, I hope she made contingency plans for her safety. I think my friend is alright and not a mass murderer but heck I don't know him all that well myself!)
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Old 07-08-2010, 11:51 AM   #2
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Old 07-08-2010, 12:02 PM   #3
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I would suggest using it on him but i cant reach that far-
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Old 07-08-2010, 12:21 PM   #4
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Old 07-08-2010, 12:35 PM   #5
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From what I've read, everyone (but usually potential subs) needs to have a 'spotter' who knows where they are, when they are, during initial contact. First session is short, after which the person contacts the spotter and lets them know they're okay (and haven't been kidnapped/killed/sold for organs).

The point being, no reasonable, sane person would refuse such an allowance, and if the person objects, run away in the opposite direction, immediately.

It's a little contrary to the usual (since he's supposed to be the Dom), but if you're worried about your friend, have him contact you immediately after the two meet.

I don't think it's really possible to stop someone from getting involved with a potential 'crazy person' unless you have obvious and verifiable evidence.
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Old 07-08-2010, 12:43 PM   #6
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Me being in the states and he in France I am no good to him as a safety net. And damn it he is hell bent on this and i really think this is dumb! I don't honestly think he is personal danger though of course you dont know- but I am thinking the hugemongous risk to his family life! I just want to slap him up one side and down the other! For pete's sake he's a family man- what the hell is he thinking!! But - not my business to worry about that- i guess i just wanted a little bit of a caution in his mind- I guess it's really pretty pointless to even worry much about it- he is set on it and we'll see - the big meeting is Saturday supposedly.. Still - however this goes, i cannot imagine it will go real well -
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Old 07-08-2010, 01:04 PM   #7
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Me being in the states and he in France I am no good to him as a safety net. And damn it he is hell bent on this and i really think this is dumb! I don't honestly think he is personal danger though of course you dont know- but I am thinking the hugemongous risk to his family life! I just want to slap him up one side and down the other! For pete's sake he's a family man- what the hell is he thinking!! But - not my business to worry about that- i guess i just wanted a little bit of a caution in his mind- I guess it's really pretty pointless to even worry much about it- he is set on it and we'll see - the big meeting is Saturday supposedly.. Still - however this goes, i cannot imagine it will go real well -
That's unfortunate. Not a lot different from having a 'vanilla' affair, really.

But as long as you've made your opinion clear to your friend, I think you've done as much as you can. The best you can hope for is, that there will be learning from mistakes.
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Old 07-08-2010, 04:52 PM   #8
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Old 07-08-2010, 07:05 PM   #9
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cripes, He should at least do a criminal background check first.. I am hoping He knows her real life name at least. Photo copy of a drivers's license would certainly be useful to make sure that she is being honest with him.. They both should exchange this information before they meet. Here is a link which may be helpful:

http://www.criminalsearches.com/default.aspx

That pipl link from the other day might be a good one to check out too:

http://www.criminalsearches.com/default.aspx
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Old 07-08-2010, 07:08 PM   #10
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Also, one thing to remember this is SL and what He is telling You could just be His fantasy. Some people really get off on making up a real life just to see how it effects you.

If He really wants to discover Himself, here is a link that may be helpful to Him.

Le Chateau France - Paris & Montreal. Club location for bdsm/fetish parties/activities.

http://www.lechateau.biz/

Last edited by Cherish; 07-08-2010 at 07:14 PM. Reason: add link
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Old 07-08-2010, 09:51 PM   #11
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Old 07-09-2010, 12:43 AM   #12
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I know RL Doms who are in a way terrified into vanilla sex from their subs. The entire trust issue is so critical. The open no (no pun intended) no holes barred no limits Subs I would run from they are going to look to break you one way or another. Share the pain
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Old 07-09-2010, 01:32 AM   #13
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Originally Posted by Rev Eponym View Post
From what I've read, everyone (but usually potential subs) needs to have a 'spotter' who knows where they are, when they are, during initial contact. First session is short, after which the person contacts the spotter and lets them know they're okay (and haven't been kidnapped/killed/sold for organs).

The point being, no reasonable, sane person would refuse such an allowance, and if the person objects, run away in the opposite direction, immediately.

It's a little contrary to the usual (since he's supposed to be the Dom), but if you're worried about your friend, have him contact you immediately after the two meet.

I don't think it's really possible to stop someone from getting involved with a potential 'crazy person' unless you have obvious and verifiable evidence.
I am stil concerned about that scar on my lower back from the last time we met


DID YOU STEAL MY KIDNEY?
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Old 07-09-2010, 01:46 AM   #14
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My only thought is: If they are both wishing to bring SL BDSM fantasy to RL, I hope they've both researching RL BDSM sufficiently to know what they are doing such as negotiating and safewords.

Apart from that... they both need to be connected and perform phone/email checks with someone once or twice a day -- miss that check and the friend should be concerned.

Um... good luck.

And if you find a spare brain, I could really use one right now!
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Old 07-09-2010, 03:05 AM   #15
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sigh
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Old 07-12-2010, 12:30 PM   #16
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I am stil concerned about that scar on my lower back from the last time we met


DID YOU STEAL MY KIDNEY?
What?!?!? I was going to ask you - I HAVE A SCAR JUST LIKE IT!
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Old 07-12-2010, 12:36 PM   #17
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So, uh, did this end well?
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Old 07-14-2010, 04:01 AM   #18
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Originally Posted by Rev Eponym View Post
From what I've read, everyone (but usually potential subs) needs to have a 'spotter' who knows where they are, when they are, during initial contact. First session is short, after which the person contacts the spotter and lets them know they're okay (and haven't been kidnapped/killed/sold for organs).
I think this is a sage practice for anyone physically meeting someone they met online for the first time. The local dungeon here has a "chaperon service" for first time meets that, surprisingly, a lot of folks use to give themselves a safety net.

Even if it isn't something so structured, the call to a best friend with the "Hey, going to meet someone, call my cell at xxxx time for me." blind date get out of jail free card can work just as well for anyone meeting someone for the first time. If the meeting is already laden with sexual context through D/s or shared online fantasies, it is even that much more important, in my opinion.

Be enamored, be smitten, be convinced, be in love, but above all else, be smart and be safe.
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Old 07-14-2010, 04:36 AM   #19
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whats the difference between meeting an innerweb person for fetish sex vs vanilla sex?

i like vanilla, and have had lots of vanilla... and there were precautions but none so grand as this thread implies the need for

is the fetish more sketchy or is this just about meeting an internet person?
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Old 07-14-2010, 05:07 AM   #20
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mulch View Post
whats the difference between meeting an innerweb person for fetish sex vs vanilla sex?

i like vanilla, and have had lots of vanilla... and there were precautions but none so grand as this thread implies the need for

is the fetish more sketchy or is this just about meeting an internet person?
Frankly, I think it's paranoia to the Nth degree.

I mean FFS, I'm starting to get a picture of some folk here talking to someone in a bar, then whipping out a laptop "No offence I'm just going to run a criminal background check on you".
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Old 07-14-2010, 07:23 AM   #21
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What?!?!? I was going to ask you - I HAVE A SCAR JUST LIKE IT!
speaking of that, anyone want to buy two kidneys i have for sale?
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Old 07-14-2010, 11:05 AM   #22
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mulch View Post
whats the difference between meeting an innerweb person for fetish sex vs vanilla sex?

i like vanilla, and have had lots of vanilla... and there were precautions but none so grand as this thread implies the need for

is the fetish more sketchy or is this just about meeting an internet person?
I think there's a belief that there's a greater chance of a predator disguising themselves as a BDSM dominant with a meeting such as this.

Certainly there are faux "dominants" who are actually just assholes who think they've found an easy way to victims.

So from a submissive's perspective, leaving details with a friend and a timed check in is security in case the guy turns out to be some psychopath.

Otherwise I agree. The guy in this scenario is only risking ruining his life (or perhaps freeing himself from an unhappy situation if he perhaps wants to get caught) - not really risking his life. And no amount of preparation is going to change that.
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Old 07-14-2010, 11:44 AM   #23
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Frankly, I think it's paranoia to the Nth degree.

I mean FFS, I'm starting to get a picture of some folk here talking to someone in a bar, then whipping out a laptop "No offence I'm just going to run a criminal background check on you".
If it were just someone bar crawling, precautions like this seem way over the top, I agree. This is a situation where kink is involved up front, and perhaps being engaged in by people who have no clue how how to physically or mentally translate what they've done in SL to a hotel room.

The chances of someone misrepresenting themselves and their intentions online is a bit greater than in a bar I think. Wrap the "But baby, we're into the same things, of course it's ok!" context of kink around the interaction and not taking any precautions starts to feel like natural selection.

Folks can convince themselves a lot of things are good and true when it comes to online relationships revolving around kink with very little evidence to support it.

I don't think being safe automatically infers that ending up dead in a dumpster is the result if you aren't. Having said that, I'd rather take the extra step and time to ensure my safety and not need it than blow it off and lament not having done so later.

-AK
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Old 07-14-2010, 04:43 PM   #24
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Shit, there will be kinky sex when Io gets here in 6 weeks, she'd better do a quick check on my criminal record...
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Old 07-14-2010, 04:48 PM   #25
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BTW, let me clarify, the paranoia I'm referring to is primarily Cherish and her "Criminal record check ups"
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Old 07-14-2010, 04:50 PM   #26
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Old 07-14-2010, 04:52 PM   #27
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If you don't hear from me after the first week of September, CALL THE POLICE!!
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Old 07-14-2010, 04:53 PM   #28
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Exactly what I was picturing.
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Old 07-14-2010, 04:54 PM   #29
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Exactly what I was picturing.
See how well I read you
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Old 07-14-2010, 04:55 PM   #30
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Quote:
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If you don't hear from me after the first week of September, CALL THE POLICE!!
Nobody called the police for me when I was gone for 3 weeks last summer!
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Old 07-14-2010, 04:59 PM   #31
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Nobody called the police for me when I was gone for 3 weeks last summer!
You said you wanted to give up your kidneys.
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