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Old 12-17-2012, 05:32 PM   #41
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Well, you have your plate more than full, as you know.

Regarding teenage girls, this, too, shall pass. Regarding your son, you are doing everything possible, and that is all anyone could ask. It is highly unlikely he would end up like people like this latest news maker or anything bad; you know that, keep remembering it.

Happiness is only a moment-to-moment thing, as tragedy can strike at any moment. As you know, from your efforts to enjoy life despite problems, which is how it should be.

That we are all alive and able to love each other - that's all I need out of life, vis a vis my own family, in order to be supremely happy.

However, that's easier to say when mine are grown and have already dragged me through the quagmires yours drag you through now! But you know, nothing was more fun - and more LIFE - than my kids were. So we are both blessed to have the experience, along with the attendant headaches.

I give these things to God. You do what you can, then you pray for their safety, happiness, and well-being. That is, of course, no guarantee of their safety or well-being. But it does relieve you of the notion that your worries or fear are going to do any good anyway. I believe my children to be in the hands of God, both in this life and after, no matter what happens.
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Old 12-17-2012, 06:07 PM   #42
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Elora, being a parent does not make one an expert in parenting. Hense all the fucked up people walking around.
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Old 12-17-2012, 06:17 PM   #43
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Old 12-17-2012, 06:54 PM   #44
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My nephew is severely mentally disabled. He will never be able to take care of himself. The doctor has said that he could get worse as he gets older. He also has horrible tantrums where he bites, punches, kicks, screams and cries, to himself mostly, but others as well. I take care of him often. I absolutely adore him and can't imagine my life without him.

Sometimes, it is a lot to take. And you're right, he is different to deal with. He doesn't react to the typical yelling or punishments. If you put him in his room, he will just continue to beat himself up or tear up his room. Sometimes, it's insane.

I have cried over it. I'm sure you have too, or at least felt like it.

Hang in there.

And I read the whole thing as well.
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Old 12-18-2012, 05:43 AM   #45
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I've seen how Beau interacts with his kids via webcam.

And I know from what I've seen he's a good father.

Even when the girls thing he's being a dufus they still laugh with him, and its obvious how much love there is in that family.

Also, Beau and his boy...

That boy thinks the sun shines out of beau's arse.

Now obviously I've not seen one of the tantrums, and I know that they tend to last longer than my sons, but from talking to Beau, I know he does everything EXACTLY right, in dealing with his son.

Mr Perkins, you're an excellent father, and no one except you ever thinks otherwise.

You judge yourself harshly bro.
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Old 12-18-2012, 10:34 AM   #46
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Beau, Luc is in a pretty good position to evaluate you. If he says you are doing a good job ill trust him opinion.
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Old 12-18-2012, 08:59 PM   #47
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Being a parent isn't easy and it doesn't come naturally to all of us. I for example was an absent and shit mother, my son was not brought up by me for a big part of his life, we have been through a lot because of that. I've had therapy, been through depression, beaten myself up over being what I perceived to be a shit mother. Learnt about how I became a shit mother and why, why I believed for the best part of 25 years that I had no maternal instinct at all and I found out that I actually did have all those instincts and feelings.

What I learnt in the end is, I'll do the best I can. I tell my son, “I don't know how to be a mum,” nor did my mother, my son says “you don’t need to, you’re doing it”. I don't have to know how to be a mum I just am one, I’m there, and I have a relationship with my son.

Beau, it seems to me like you are doing a whole lot more than just being there for your kids, it seems to me like you are doing everything you can to the best of your ability, don’t knock yourself around because of the what if's. Be proud you have been able to give all you can and give yourself a break. Seems to me you're a very good dad and from what Luc says it's reflected in your children.
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Old 12-19-2012, 10:05 AM   #48
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Being broke and having 3 daughters is also a challenge. More so this time of the year. Each year they have been told not to expect too many presents then I would get a nice bonus in December and they would end up getting spoiled.

Not this year. They have 4 presents each. They all got one of the more expensive things they asked for. To them it will look like Luke got more. The reality is I can buy the youngest 4 presents for the cost of 1 pair of jeans for them.

This year when I say "don't expect tons of gifts, money is tight you are all getting 4 or 5 each", they think I am just telling them that again.

My oldest is becoming very ungrateful, I am not sure if it just the age. She wants money everyday but does not want to do what she is told. So thats a daily battle already. She really thinks I am getting her a new pair of Uggs for Christmas. I can't justify spending $160.00 on boots for her when I am more focused on keeping up with my mortgage and putting oil in my tank. Her telling me how much she now hates me every time I have to say "No" to her does not help her cause either.

T
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Old 12-19-2012, 10:46 AM   #49
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Quote:
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Being broke and having 3 daughters is also a challenge. More so this time of the year. Each year they have been told not to expect too many presents then I would get a nice bonus in December and they would end up getting spoiled.

Not this year. They have 4 presents each. They all got one of the more expensive things they asked for. To them it will look like Luke got more. The reality is I can buy the youngest 4 presents for the cost of 1 pair of jeans for them.

This year when I say "don't expect tons of gifts, money is tight you are all getting 4 or 5 each", they think I am just telling them that again.

My oldest is becoming very ungrateful, I am not sure if it just the age. She wants money everyday but does not want to do what she is told. So thats a daily battle already. She really thinks I am getting her a new pair of Uggs for Christmas. I can't justify spending $160.00 on boots for her when I am more focused on keeping up with my mortgage and putting oil in my tank. Her telling me how much she now hates me every time I have to say "No" to her does not help her cause either.

T
Oh dear. You need to gather them together and explain exactly this to them: That before, you have gotten a (non-guaranteed) bonus, and this year you know for a fact you're not getting one. Explain it just like you have to us. If you've already done that, do it again, with seriousness and a definite air of finality.

They should get that, and will be more forgiving/accepting than you may (in your own disappointment) realize. If they don't, or one doesn't, then it's just a learning experience for them that they have to go through and you can't do anything about that.

Repeat to your oldest that you don't want her to be disappointed, so she needs to know the Ugg boots really won't be under the tree this year. Add that these are something she could work towards herself, and earn and save her money for.

Ditto with being up front with the older ones about how it may look like the youngest is getting more. Mine know that their gifts are always equalized in cost as much as I can humanly manage it. Even so, it's a challenge to make two or three, let alone four, come out fairly equal without breaking the bank to do so.

-----

The ungratefulness of the oldest, well, that is largely just part of the campaign. The campaign to get the Ugg boots! Guilting you into them is part of it! You almost can't blame her for trying, lol. But if you make it clear and certain to her, like I said above, then she will react better than you think on Christmas. I mean, have faith in her on this, and it will be so.
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Old 12-19-2012, 10:53 AM   #50
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Quote:
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Being broke and having 3 daughters is also a challenge. More so this time of the year. Each year they have been told not to expect too many presents then I would get a nice bonus in December and they would end up getting spoiled.

Not this year. They have 4 presents each. They all got one of the more expensive things they asked for. To them it will look like Luke got more. The reality is I can buy the youngest 4 presents for the cost of 1 pair of jeans for them.

This year when I say "don't expect tons of gifts, money is tight you are all getting 4 or 5 each", they think I am just telling them that again.

My oldest is becoming very ungrateful, I am not sure if it just the age. She wants money everyday but does not want to do what she is told. So thats a daily battle already. She really thinks I am getting her a new pair of Uggs for Christmas. I can't justify spending $160.00 on boots for her when I am more focused on keeping up with my mortgage and putting oil in my tank. Her telling me how much she now hates me every time I have to say "No" to her does not help her cause either.

T
Oh dear. You need to gather them together and explain exactly this to them: That before, you have gotten a (non-guaranteed) bonus, and this year you know for a fact you're not getting one. Explain it just like you have to us. If you've already done that, do it again, with seriousness and a definite air of finality.

They should get that, and will be more forgiving/accepting than you may (in your own disappointment) realize. If they don't, or one doesn't, then it's just a learning experience for them that they have to go through and you can't do anything about that.

Repeat to your oldest that you don't want her to be disappointed, so she needs to know the Ugg boots really won't be under the tree this year. Add that these are something she could work towards herself, and earn and save her money for.

Ditto with being up front with the older ones about how it may look like the youngest is getting more. Mine know that their gifts are always equalized in cost as much as I can humanly manage it. Even so, it's hard to make two or three, let alone four, come out fairly equal without breaking the bank to do so. Like cutting the legs of a chair to make the chair level. If you're not careful, they end up whittled down to the floor.

-----

The ungratefulness of the oldest, well, that is largely just part of the campaign. The campaign to get the Ugg boots! Guilting you into them is part of it! You almost can't blame her for trying, lol. But if you make it clear and certain to her, like I said above, then she will react better than you think on Christmas. I mean, have faith in her on this, and it will be so.
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Old 12-19-2012, 01:25 PM   #51
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Beau, number of presents does not equal love
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Old 12-19-2012, 01:45 PM   #52
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Beau honestly, with teens/kids it's always "all about me", kids can be ungrateful, they want what they want and that's it. One day they will understand and appreciate the sacrifices you have made for them, but don’t hold your breath it takes a while. They slowly start to realise and have a sense of some reality in their 20’s, then they have their own kids and they suddenly totally get it.

Four presents is more than I got as a child and four presents is more than enough in tough times. and I rarely got what I wanted. Their attitude or lack of appreciation is no reflection at all of your parenting.
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Old 12-21-2012, 12:15 PM   #53
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I sound pretty shallow in these post here I know. This is the only place I can really vent about such crap. There are rare moments the teens still remind me of those days of old when they were cute little things. This morning my oldest made me a pot of coffee because she knew I would be running late and her and her sister were actually having a civil conversation, that has not happened in years.

Buttering me up for Christmas fore sure.
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Old 12-21-2012, 12:29 PM   #54
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I sound pretty shallow in these post here I know.
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Old 12-21-2012, 01:05 PM   #55
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Being broke and having 3 daughters is also a challenge. More so this time of the year. Each year they have been told not to expect too many presents then I would get a nice bonus in December and they would end up getting spoiled.

Not this year. They have 4 presents each. They all got one of the more expensive things they asked for. To them it will look like Luke got more. The reality is I can buy the youngest 4 presents for the cost of 1 pair of jeans for them.

This year when I say "don't expect tons of gifts, money is tight you are all getting 4 or 5 each", they think I am just telling them that again.

My oldest is becoming very ungrateful, I am not sure if it just the age. She wants money everyday but does not want to do what she is told. So thats a daily battle already. She really thinks I am getting her a new pair of Uggs for Christmas. I can't justify spending $160.00 on boots for her when I am more focused on keeping up with my mortgage and putting oil in my tank. Her telling me how much she now hates me every time I have to say "No" to her does not help her cause either.

T
Beau, the new pair of Uggs is really important for her, more important as you could think, you will ruin your Christmas eve if you do not buy it.
4 presents for all is a lot, better one and they will get satisfaction.
Just put less oil in your tank and you will get a nice and peaceful Christmas.

Do not treat teens like adults.
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Old 12-21-2012, 01:08 PM   #56
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Oil does not cost $160

*hugs Beau*
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Old 12-22-2012, 12:51 PM   #57
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Or, you could tell Oldest Girl that if she REALLY REALLY wants Uggs, then that's ALL she's getting. Not 4 presents. Not 3 presents. Not even 2 presents. One thing. Uggs. Her choice. Once she gets how really strapped you are, she'll appreciate that you're giving her an option.
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Old 12-22-2012, 12:55 PM   #58
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I think it's probably a little late for all this? I was assuming he'd already gotten the four gifts each.
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Old 12-22-2012, 05:31 PM   #59
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Beau, number of presents does not equal love
Of course not. Everyone knows it's the TOTAL DOLLAR AMOUNT SPENT that is the measure of love.

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Old 12-22-2012, 06:01 PM   #60
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I'm just throwing this out there. My cousin turned 17 this year. She is the MOST ungrateful child I have ever met in my life. Her father died when she was 9, and she uses it EVERYDAY to make her mother feel like shit. Her mother, in return, spoils her endlessly. She literally gets everything she asks for. My aunt will drive an hour one way to take her shopping for anything she wants, whenever she wants it. She makes a list of 30 or more items for Christmas, and my aunt will buy EVERYTHING on it! I always thought a list, to me anyway, was for giving the person a choice of randoms thing you want and buying one or maybe a couple of them if you're lucky. Every damn item on the list is under the tree.

How does my cousin thank her? By never lifting a finger to do anything, around the house or otherwise. She dropped out of her last school, after getting kicked out of her 2 previous schools. She moved in her 23 yr old bf, whom her mother adores. I want to strangle them both! She throws tantrums daily. She has panic attacks, where all attention HAS to be on her on she freaks completely. She has ruined multiple family gatherings with her bullshit.

The last time I saw her, I told her she was the biggest piece of shit I've ever met in my life. It is really hard to piss me off, especially to that point. I cannot be around her.

My point? Please, please don't spoil your children. (This is in general, not just Beau) Make them earn their keep! Do chores if you want money! Hell, make them do chores without getting money. Do not let them boss you around or talk down to you. They are the children!

I do admit now that I look back, there were some things I acted like a real dick to my parents about. And even though we don't speak anymore, I do tell people that they gave me a wonderful childhood, and I am forever grateful for the things they did do for me. Hopefully Beau, one day your children will feel the same way.
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Old 12-22-2012, 06:14 PM   #61
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Trout and I get frustrated because The Whale gives the kids EVERYTHING that they ask for, and more, just like Bunnie's cousin up there. They don't do chores, they have no responsibilities, etc. They are great kids when they're with us - and here, they DO have chores - chicken coop, table clearing, dishes, etc. We've even tried to deal with The Whale this year by asking what the kids' list is, so that we could split it between her and us. She won't do it. She even said, "It wouldn't hurt them to have two of everything [one at her house and one at our house] so that they feel more comfortable at your house." Seriously, what a cunt.

Sorry, Beau. Didn't mean to take up your thread. Moral of the story: kids will not die if they don't get everything on their lists. It's probably better for them if they don't.
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Old 12-22-2012, 07:13 PM   #62
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We always try to make it a point to tell the kids to make a list of lots of things that they would like to have, and we will pick and choose from that.

For one thing, I think it's a lot more fun if they don't know exactly what they are getting. If they make a list of 1, 2, 3, 4 and they get 1, 2, 3, 4, what fun is that?

I'd much prefer that they make a list of 1-25 and we get them 3, 7, 14 and 22, you know what I mean?

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Old 12-22-2012, 07:16 PM   #63
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I do that, too. But I also like everyone to have something that is a surprise. Whether they want it or not! haha
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Old 12-22-2012, 07:24 PM   #64
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Every year from about age 12 until I moved out of their house the first item on my list was a convertible TR7. Never got it.
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Old 12-22-2012, 07:27 PM   #65
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I cracked up the front bumper really nicely of my best friends Vermillion convertible TR7 in about 1978 or so.

We still remained best friends.
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Old 12-23-2012, 01:53 AM   #66
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Trout and I get frustrated because The Whale gives the kids EVERYTHING that they ask for, and more, just like Bunnie's cousin up there. They don't do chores, they have no responsibilities, etc. They are great kids when they're with us - and here, they DO have chores - chicken coop, table clearing, dishes, etc. We've even tried to deal with The Whale this year by asking what the kids' list is, so that we could split it between her and us. She won't do it. She even said, "It wouldn't hurt them to have two of everything [one at her house and one at our house] so that they feel more comfortable at your house." Seriously, what a cunt.

Sorry, Beau. Didn't mean to take up your thread. Moral of the story: kids will not die if they don't get everything on their lists. It's probably better for them if they don't.
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Old 12-23-2012, 05:16 AM   #67
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The Whale
Seriously, she's huge. Gives Shamu a run for his money. Every time I see her, I start singing Humpback whale songs under my breath. We figure it's her native language.
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Old 12-25-2012, 02:39 PM   #68
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I'd like to say that all my ranting was for nothing. This has been by far one of our best Christmas's that I can remember. They were not overwhelmed with gifts but liked what they got. I made a nice big breakfast. Christmas Eve we had fun with tons of family and friends.

I am ready to eat then take a nap.
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Old 12-25-2012, 02:51 PM   #69
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I'm so glad you had a wonderful time, Beau!
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Old 01-03-2013, 09:49 AM   #70
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Today there is some sadness to report.

My son has had a Special Education teacher that has been helping him in school for two years. He adores her. She treated him with all the love and compasion you would want for a child with special needs. Without her I am not sure where he would be in school today. Just a very special lady I have been grateful for since day one.

Good educators with the love and patience to work with children with Autisim is hard to find. She was truly a special person. It will be tough explaining this to him.

Over the Christmas Vacation she was scheduled to go in for surgery. They discovered cancer throughout her entire body. Today, just 10 days later she passed away.

My son was very excited to go back to school and tell her all about his Christmas. He came home yesterday saying she was out sick because of asthma. The Princapal called us yesterday to tell us the situation knowing how close her and Luke has become.
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Old 01-03-2013, 11:35 AM   #71
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Old 01-03-2013, 03:24 PM   #72
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Old 01-04-2013, 12:06 PM   #73
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Just to be clear. Cancer sucks for everyone, not just the victim. It effects everyone around them. It can be especially cruel in cases like this.

I think I speak for most when I say we are all thinking of you and your son

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Old 05-02-2013, 11:48 AM   #74
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Hi all. I haven't been around much so I though I would check in. I have been reading some threads but just doing my best to not let anything grab my attention too long as I have to be disciplined in keeping myself focused. Forums, Facebook and other distractions I have realized are really holding me back.

Anyways.

As some know, about 5 years ago I switched professions. I went into Real Estate. I become trained in Short Sales and Foreclosures and worked as a Home Retention Specialist helping people hold on to their houses as well. Before going into Real Estate I always worked in a sales capacity selling enterprise solutions. I worked for companies like Hyperion, Oracle and other smaller business intelligence / performance management roles.

About a year ago I got back into the field, it is hard to support my large family while doing Real Estate. I think since I have realized I will be working until the day I die most likely, I will just hold on to my Real Estate License. I am thinking of it more as my more realistic retirement plan. Or something I can do to delay retirement ten years or so.

The company I am currently with is European based. This week I got to meet my Senior VP of WW Sales. Spent a few days with the team at a conference we were exhibiting at. It was pretty cool to meet these people I had only interacted with via phone, Skype and email. While they have a significant presence in Europe in North America it is very much a start up. We did land one small client named Microsoft last year. So we are suddenly getting some attention, which is very promising.

So this is what I have been up to. Between this and being the active dad choose to be, I'm too tired to invest much into internet drama. Although that is not saying I do not miss some of you and enjoy popping in from time to time.
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Old 06-13-2013, 03:16 PM   #75
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Hi all. I'd give an update of my life and pretend like people care but I am on overload and really need a mental vacation. I will say this, the things I have going on would put a huge smile on some of my haters faces.
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Old 06-13-2013, 03:58 PM   #76
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Sorry to hear that, Beau.
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Old 06-13-2013, 05:29 PM   #77
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I'm sorry for your troubles. I may like to have a dustup with you occasionally, but I don't wish you ill.
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Old 09-19-2013, 11:53 AM   #78
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I'd like to introduce my Grandson. Damien. He was born 8/30/2013 at 10:45 AM.











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Old 09-19-2013, 11:57 AM   #79
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It's a BOY!
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Old 09-19-2013, 12:00 PM   #80
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Because he is wearing boxing gloves?
How do you know?
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