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Old 11-09-2010, 10:51 PM   #3
Kick Frenzy
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You mean this part? I'll mark it here and see if that makes more sense?

Quote:
Calweld - “Yeah, it’s me. So, where did this murder happen again?”

Diely - “Over’n Screta, at The Basin. Just snapped th’ poor guy’s neck ‘n took off.”

Calweld - The reply was just a drawn out, “Yeah”… a knowing lilt in the gravelly voice. “I know you guys want me over there, probably a good idea… should be there in about an hour. Oh, and Diely?”

Diely - “Yeah?”

Calweld - “Try to have those guys leave the scene as is til I get there?”

Diely - “’K, Jim, I’ll try t’get it to ‘em.”
Thanks for letting me know it got confusing, a definite help!

And I'm not sure where it was headed. At first it was just going to be a horror, for a moment it might've been a supernatural/superpower vs evil guy story, then it was going to be an "Old cop knows stuff/Mysterious killer on the loose... again", then I was toying with a near-future, backwoods background but decided probably not, but it made me think to remember technology is all over the fucking place.

So,not sure where it was headed... but when I started thinking it was too common, it felt like it was headed towards "can't-catch-him bad guy vs. grizzly cop who crossed paths with him before" story... which is where it felt too rote.
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