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Old 11-09-2010, 10:36 PM   #2
Oryx Tempel
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I got confused as to who was talking during the conversation. Took me three times to realize that it was all from Calweld's point of view. I'm dense, I know.

The first two chapters are rather "common," as you say. Maybe make the first chapter a little fleshier - give us something to chew on. Is this a cop whodunit? A fantasy/sci fi? Give us a setting. Time/place sort of thing?
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