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-   -   The Comings and Goings of Mero (http://www.secondcitizen.net/Forum/showthread.php?t=15551)

Bard Jameson 03-14-2012 11:12 PM

“When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished by how much he'd learned in seven years.”

- Samuel Clemens, aka Mark Twain

Merovigan 04-04-2012 10:10 PM

I’m hitting a stride. I’ve felt moderately happy for a few weeks now and while there’s the occasional bout of sad I’m mostly ok, lately. I ended up having dinner with the South African but she was 10 minutes late (grrr) and she talked. A lot. Like … a lot a lot. It was an ok time but, ya know, people who talk too much are hard for me to connect to. I ended up feeling like “Ok, really, what am I adding to this, besides my smile, occasional nods, and being talked over when I do have something to say?” I’m pretty sure we’ll hang out again, but I think she’s going to be a “short doses” friend until she either gets comfortable enough to not need to fill every second with her own voice or she recognizes that others have things to say too.

I’ve been seeing a girl who talks a lot less and is interested in hearing from me, too. She’s … kinda awesome. And with 36 DD’s … well that’s just fun!!! She’s bright but, as is typical of me, not exactly “girly.” I tend towards tomboy types and this one’s in that vein. She’s been single most of her life and I think at some point she forgot that she really is a girl. We’ve been going together about 2 months now and her friends are commenting on the dresses and cleavage she’s suddenly displaying. I think it’s kinda cute.

Living alone but not being alone is nice. Everyone in my circle is now responsible for themselves when I am not around, and this gives me a great sense of relief. I get the kiddo this weekend, and I re-upped WoW so that we could play together (she was begging me last visit.) I’m expecting a weekend of questing, and grinding low-level mats and laughing and chasing my little one about.

My name’s Mero – and this is what it looks like when I’m happy.

Oryx Tempel 04-04-2012 10:44 PM

I'm glad things are looking up. :hug:

Asher Bertrand 04-05-2012 12:18 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Merovigan (Post 427164)
My nameís Mero Ė and this is what it looks like when Iím happy.

I have a photo of me from when I started going through my divorce (finally). I was smiling and looked younger than I had in years. I titled it the exact same thing. Liberating, isn't it?

Merovigan 05-09-2012 01:38 PM

Change is coming.

My contract is over in August and I’ve been warned that, even if we win, I’m not wanted on the contract. This is a contract where I was pressured to hire a government employee’s friend at such a high rate that I would have lost money on hiring him. This is the contract where that same government employee allegedly sexually harassed an employee, and everyone involved in testifying against him is now off the contract. So, I have absolutely no problem with not being on this contract anymore. I’m excited that the company warned me, and that they are trying to find me other work over the next four months while I do the same.

I asked about the actual reasons given for not being wanted on the contract. The Contracting Officer explained that it was because I wore a hoodie at work sometimes (this really bothered “someone above me”) and that I walk the halls with earbuds in. I took this to mean: “We have no valid reasons, nothing’s wrong with your work; we just don’t like you!” And hey, they are clients! That is their right. I don’t like them, either, but apparently they didn’t dislike me enough to fire me during the contract and I didn’t dislike them enough to quit for better work. So, in August our mutual tolerance for each other will, officially, come to a conclusion.

I’m ok with this, but it does mean that I have to change employers, soon. Well, maybe. We’ve been winning some work and so they are going to try landing me on new work. If not, I’m sure I’ll find something and, if not, this is why I have six months of rent, alimony and child support saved up. And the ex is going to start working after the kid’s in school (September) so that should ease things up. I began applying in earnest today.

I’m redoing my resume – jesus I’ve been working a long time and all in the same, general area. Started working for real in 2000 (age 21) and I’ve gotten bigger and bigger jobs, all in the Federal Contracting area, ever since. I’m kinda proud of that. I like the work history I see, and I respect the man who did these things.

In other news … the girlfriend has declared her love for me. It’s been three months. Women – what is it with yall loving me?! I entered this relationship just trying to get laid and being very clear to communicate that to everyone involved. On my first date I declared myself an asshole and a misanthrope. That same date lasted NINE hours and we nearly fucked at its conclusion. After a few more dates it became clear we just couldn’t get enough of each other and no one else was even on our level. Yeah, I could fuck sluts if I wanted to – but that would mean risking the loss of someone who turned out to be special. So, instead, I just fuck her that much more :-D

We talk a lot. We laugh a lot. We make fun of stupid people a lot. She calls herself a liberal, but she hates unions. She’s wicked smart, and often I find myself grateful for her input. We’re just as comfortable talking in bed as we are working together on a project or just sitting together reading. We’re going to try a mini-vacation in July; it’s the first vacation in a long time where I am totally excited to go because I know the person I’m going with isn’t going to cry during the trip over some stupid little thing I said, or didn’t say. It’s like I found, in her, not only a woman but an adult, too! Do you know how rarely those two things go together?!

I just keep being me, and the world keeps rewarding me for it.

Cocoanut Koala 05-09-2012 02:11 PM

I don't know, Mero, she might cry. After all, she has declared her love for you.

On the other hand, maybe she isn't a crier. I'm not. Nonetheless, that doesn't mean there won't eventually be repercussions for perceived unrequited love.

But then, I'm just raining on your parade! It's too early to do that.

Cathiee McMillan 05-09-2012 02:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Merovigan (Post 431538)

I just keep being me, and the world keeps rewarding me for it.

That is what a relationship is suppose to be, she loves you for who you are not who she wants you to be.

Jorus 05-09-2012 03:49 PM

Government contracting is a bad place to be right now. Oh and make sure you hit the whistleblower address on the way out about the guy forcing you to hire a friend. I did the same thing for the same reason on my way out the door and the grapevine tells me someone got hit for an ethics violation and was fired recently.

:smug:

Bard Jameson 05-10-2012 02:40 AM

Your capacity for self-involvement seems bottomless.

Cocoanut Koala 05-10-2012 11:20 AM

It's his little blog, Bard. The forum is "Dear Diary."

People get to be self-involved in the dear diary. It's the point of it.

JohnnyVann 05-10-2012 11:46 AM

Mero, something happened in RL to me the other day that made me think of you and your daughter. What doesnt matter, just made me think of it.

You can try to influence her, leading by example and all that, but at the end of the day she will be who she is and all you can do is love her. She will not be you, she will be herself who may or may not act and think like you do

Merovigan 05-10-2012 12:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bard Jameson (Post 431638)
Your capacity for self-involvement seems bottomless.

Yes, I am self-involved. This is who I am. Iím also, as noted above, an asshole and a misanthrope. These are facts. Just like I have certain physical characteristics which make up who I am, so too do I have personality characteristics which make up who I am. Just as I am not upset when someone says ďYouíre fatĒ or ďYouíre shortĒ I do not react negatively when someone points out that I am self-involved. Instead, I appreciate that you are not so self-involved as to take the time out of your day to notice me. I donít understand why you would do that Ė because Iím self-involved. Do you understand that? Do you see how this all works, now? Iíve accepted that I am not perfect and I am doing my level-best to inform all those around me of said imperfections. I have more than I have listed, but the ones listed are real, true, and permanent. Iím not going to wake up six feet tall and weighing 200 pounds tomorrow. Iím not one morning away from being a crunchy-granola person. This is who I am and Iíd appreciate it if youíd just accept it and move on.

Most of the great men, and lunatics, of history were self-involved either through megalomania or narcissism. Iíd like to be a great man of my times. Is that wrong? Is it inherently wrong to desire more power, wealth, and status? I donít base my sense of self-worth on it, but all of these are goals, for me. And, in general, the people I like are people who share these values. I donít like the guy who is always looking for a room to crash in or couch to sleep on. I donít want to toil in obscurity Ė I want to shine and let the world see the awesomeness in me. Because itís there, and apparently people like you canít seem to get enough of it. Thatís why youíre in my diary thread, applying labels to me, when you could be busy with your own friends and loved ones. Iím not your friend or loved one. Iím an assholian megalomaniac.

Thanks for paying attention to me. I wish it was for the parts of me that are not so negative. I wish you paid attention because Iím smart, or funny. It would be nice if you paid attention because you found me informative or you like the way I saw things. But, dislike or like makes no difference to my ego. Simply paying attention is sufficient.

Cocoanut Koala 05-10-2012 12:35 PM

You're short? I like that in a person!

Cathiee McMillan 05-10-2012 01:04 PM

Mero,
Nothing is wrong with being self-involved. I feel most people are in some form Self Involved.
Look at all the "Personal Blogs, face book pages, linked in, Myspace pages, forums where we can express our opinions, etc..." People are Self-Involved
I look at it more that you are confident in yourself and who you are. You seem to know who you are. Its like you can hate me or like me you don't care either way. That to me is confident.

Ayu Sura 05-10-2012 01:39 PM

I like listening to your opinions when they are smart - which they tend to be - until they get overwhelmed by your smugness and your sense of superiority. Then I just feel like smacking you. Well no, I don't care that much, but I would feel that way if you were an actual friend of mine.

That, or barfing. Just a little. In my mouth.

Merovigan 05-10-2012 02:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JohnnyVann (Post 431649)
You can try to influence her, leading by example and all that, but at the end of the day she will be who she is and all you can do is love her.

Speaking of influencing her Ö

Scene: Chuck e Cheese, right after work (about 5:00 pm) Iím still in my shirt/tie. Iíd stopped by for a dinner visit, scooped the kid up, and we went to CeC for pizza, soda and some gaming. We get there, order our food and go play. In the arcade area is a mentally handicapped teen. All alone. My first reaction is ďOk, whose kid is that?Ē because, if it were me, and I had a mentally handicapped kid, Iíd be within eyeline of that kid at all times. But, thatís just who I am.

So this kid is wandering around and he wanders over to our game. Weíre playing that thing where you shoot water at a target and the kiddo has coins in her a little pink purse, sitting on the gameís cabinet in front of us. This kid kinda sidles up to us, and make to reach for the coins! I use my grown up voice to say ďHey!Ē and when I have his eye contact I say ďNo!Ē I didnít really know how to communicate with him, and I didnít really want to Ė I wanted him to not touch my kidís tokens and, as it turned out, the tactic I used worked. He fucked off and went to bother other people. I then discussed with the kiddo how some adults werenít as smart as she was, even though they were older, and sometimes they do things without really understanding that what they are doing is wrong. Hey, I didnít go to CeC to explain mental retardation to my seven year old, but, it came up and that was the best I could do.

So fast forward, we sit and eat and then go play some more. The kidís giving me tokens to play something, basketball I think, and this same mentally challenged kid comes up behind me. I hear ďNo!Ē and as I turn around I see the kid shuffling away. I asked the kiddo what happened. Sheís like ďOh, that boy tried to take my coins again, but I told him ĎNo!í just like you did and he went away.Ē

Words canít express how proud I was. Sheís so strong, and comfortable and confident. Iím really just so proud of her sometimes.

Quote:

She will not be you, she will be herself who may or may not act and think like you do
I donít want her to. The behaviors I developed over the first period of my life are some of my worst characteristics, but they are also what kept me safe. My worst features do the best job of protecting me, and I often forget that no one is attacking me, anymore. I would be in a much worse place if I were even a smidgen more trusting, loving or kind. I didnít get the benefit of being surrounded by good, decent and uplifting people whom I could trust. So, part of my duty to her is to make sure she sees some of what I saw, but in a safer and better environment so that she can be aware of it, but not be changed by it.

Honestly, I donít know how to not love her. Sheís my child. Iíll have her back until the day I die. And even then, Iíve got a lot of money to give her to try and make life just that much more comfortable, when Iím gone. Iíve so rarely seen unconditional love, but; that doesnít stop me from being able to give it to others. Iím grateful for that. Itís a blessing, that despite it all I still have the ability to love and in fact I have a need to give and receive it. Iíd be a much much MUUUUUCH bigger dickhead if that werenít the case.

Merovigan 05-10-2012 02:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ayu Sura (Post 431662)
I like listening to your opinions when they are smart - which they tend to be - until they get overwhelmed by your smugness and your sense of superiority. Then I just feel like smacking you.

For what it's worth - I feel that way about myself, on occasion too.

JohnnyVann 05-10-2012 03:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Merovigan (Post 431669)
My worst features do the best job of protecting me, and I often forget that no one is attacking me, anymore.

What, are we not doing a good enough job? :shrug:

Cocoanut Koala 05-10-2012 03:03 PM

Quote:

I would be in a much worse place if I were even a smidgen more trusting, loving or kind. I didn’t get the benefit of being surrounded by good, decent and uplifting people whom I could trust.
I try, but simply can't imagine such a thing.

The interesting part about it is that those of us who do grow up surrounded by good, decent, loving people we can trust take it for granted.

I didn't realize how lucky I was in this till I was around forty. That is, I didn't even realize I HAD taken it for granted till I was forty.

Likewise, my kids pretty much take it for granted. I figure that when they are forty or later, they will start to realize some of the good things they had.

As I get older, with all my birth family now dead, it is like they haven't died at all. It is like they are with me all the time, still loving me, still supporting me.

It really is like that, I'm not just making a metaphor. I live in their warm cocoon. So I know my kids will know that and have that too, when I'm dead and gone.

Oryx Tempel 05-11-2012 11:03 PM

When I used to date, my girlfriends and I had a rule: no using the 'L' word on a guy until 3 months. Then you can use it, if you feel it, but never, never expect him to say it back. At 3 months, you're still testing the waters.

Cocoanut Koala 05-11-2012 11:56 PM

My rule was never say it first.

Kick Frenzy 05-12-2012 12:19 AM

Really?
NEVER say you love someone first?

That seems unfair to your heart.

Cocoanut Koala 05-12-2012 12:27 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kick Frenzy (Post 431805)
Really?
NEVER say you love someone first?

That seems unfair to your heart.

I was a cautious person. Wasn't unfair to me - if he loved me, he'd say so, and if I loved him, I'd then say so. (Sometimes it was a long wait.)

Kick Frenzy 05-12-2012 01:03 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cocoanut Koala (Post 431808)
I was a cautious person. Wasn't unfair to me - if he loved me, he'd say so, and if I loved him, I'd then say so. (Sometimes it was a long wait.)

I get it, but...
Why does HE have to say it first?

Does your love need permission to exist?

Cocoanut Koala 05-12-2012 01:45 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kick Frenzy (Post 431809)
I get it, but...
Why does HE have to say it first?

Does your love need permission to exist?

Well, first off, remember we are talking about a long time ago. I have been married for the better part of three centuries.

Secondly, not declaring my love didn't mean it didn't exist. The guys who loved me eventually said so. And the ones who didn't, didn't.

Ayu Sura 05-12-2012 01:53 AM

zomg Cocoa, you're over 300 years old??






:D

Kick Frenzy 05-12-2012 02:49 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cocoanut Koala (Post 431813)
Secondly, not declaring my love didn't mean it didn't exist. The guys who loved me eventually said so. And the ones who didn't, didn't.

Well yeah, not declaring something doesn't mean it doesn't exist... but it does mean denying the knowledge of it's existence to others.

Don't get me wrong, I know it's not as simple as "you should let love shine"... on the other hand, I think having the stance of "I would NEVER say "I love you" first" could be a destructive attitude for some people.

Obviously, whatever you did worked out for you since you're happily married and all that jazz.
For that, I say "gratz" and am happy for you.
I'm just saying... it may not be the most sound advice for everyone.

JohnnyVann 05-12-2012 11:44 AM

My rule was never say it until I was sure she thought so too

Cocoanut Koala 05-12-2012 01:07 PM

Kick - not giving advice, just saying what I did. In fact, this conversation never came up between me and my daughters.

Quote:

Originally Posted by JohnnyVann (Post 431826)
My rule was never say it until I was sure she thought so too

Well see that's how it worked out. By the time the guy said it, he was pretty doggone sure I would say it back.

Because he would have been given clues galore, especially from the eyes. Guys who didn't love me would have been oblivious to the clues or ignored them.

Although really, I don't think there was ever a time when I loved someone who didn't love me back.

Oh! WAIT! WAIT, PEEPS!

Frank Harrison, in sixth grade.

I loved him like mad, as did probably half the class. He was epitome of dreamboat.

I got it in my head that the problem was simply that he didn't realize I loved HIM.

So . . . I called him up on the phone. Asked his mother for him. He said hello. I said who I was. Then I said, "I love you."

He said, "What?" That wasn't in my script! I repeated, "I love you."

I don't remember what he said after that, but it was a pretty smooth and gentle let-down for a sixth-grader (remember, he was suave, and nice, and as a dreamboat, had quite possibly dealt with this sort of thing before).

My humiliation was instantaneous and fierce.

And possibly longer-lasting than I realized, as that may have been the genesis for my rule.

Envoy Costagravas 05-12-2012 01:32 PM

I love you, Coco. <3

Bard Jameson 05-12-2012 04:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Envoy Costagravas (Post 431830)
I love you, Coco. <3

Has it been three months? :confused:

Bard Jameson 05-12-2012 04:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Merovigan (Post 431655)
This is who I am and Iíd appreciate it if youíd just accept it and move on.

You want to wear your heart on your sleeve but not have anyone comment? Or just not comment if it is negative?

Here's some cake in vulgar surplus - you can have it and eat it too.

JohnnyVann 05-12-2012 10:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bard Jameson (Post 431842)
Has it been three nine months? :confused:

/fixed

Get the shotgun!

Merovigan 05-13-2012 09:41 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cocoanut Koala (Post 431804)
My rule was never say it first.

She swore she wouldn't say it first. And totally did.

What can I say - I know how to hit it! :biggrin:

Merovigan 05-14-2012 11:52 AM

I got bored the other day, while I was studying for my PMP. I was trying to memorize the order of the processes in the Planning process group. This was a bit tedious, as most memorization is.

What’s funny, in an ironic way, is that if you asked me to memorize the order of things that happen in the games I play, that would be no problem! How is it that I can accidentally memorize that stuff, which has absolutely no value to anyone, but I struggle to memorize the processes in the Planning group, which are actually used by many of the people I interact with for eight hours a day?

Well the answer’s obvious – it’s how I’m interacting with the data. One is classified in work and studying, the other in goofing off. And even though the people I’m working with do the processes in the planning group, they don’t refer to them as such because most of them are disconnected automatons doing what they are told. They are aware that it is part of a bigger whole, but take no interest in understanding beyond their actual tasks.

So, I took a couple hours out of my weekend and wrote a really simple game. It presents two options and the player has to say which comes first. It keeps score and, in the current rule-set, gives one point for right answers and minus one points for incorrect answers. The current rule-set gives you the answer, up to a score of 20 points. After that the game pulls the ordering data off and you have to guess which is first. I do it this way to give people the data at first, giving them a chance to associate the titles of the processes to numbers for a while before having to do it from memory.

I’ve attached a screenshot – any additions/ideas are welcome. Also, I’m really interested in making this more graphically appealing so if any of you want to contribute art or User Interface improvements I would appreciate anything you had to offer.

Next Version –
It needs to keeps track of the questions it has asked and the answers received in order to determine where the player’s weaknesses are. On its hardest levels, the application should predict which question is most likely to generate an incorrect answer. This can be used to isolate knowledge-gaps in the subject matter, and present the user with a variable level of difficulty.

Other Applications –
Specific actions occur in each process and it may be worthwhile to use these, instead of the process’s title, as a “What comes first?” feeder to the user.
For instance: The first process in the Planning group is “Determine how you will do planning”. The last is “Hold a kickoff meeting.” So, a question in this Other Application would look like this: Which comes first: “You, the PM, meet with other management to discuss planning” or “You, the PM, meet with your team, the stakeholders and the sellers to discuss the project”? Well, at the beginning of the Planning group you haven’t identified sellers, and the first thing you do is meet with management to discuss the overall plan for the project.

http://s13.postimage.org/bcixqdcs5/desktop.jpg

Ayu Sura 05-14-2012 01:28 PM

Good idea, that.

I've heard of / seen PMP stuff a lot - I'm assuming it's good on resumes for project management jobs?

How much are you getting, education-wise out of taking the course? Or is this just a certification you're going through to dress up the resume?

Also, is the answer to that question the one on the right?

UI wise - those arrows are a little confusing - coming from draw-something land, my first thought was that both were the answer - which couldn't be right.

Can't really think of an alternative at the moment aside from the usual "pick A or B"

Merovigan 05-14-2012 02:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ayu Sura (Post 431977)
Good idea, that.

I've heard of / seen PMP stuff a lot - I'm assuming it's good on resumes for project management jobs?

Basically, as a manager you either have a PMP or an MBA. The PMP being the cheaper option, for those of us who have paid experience in management.

Quote:

How much are you getting, education-wise out of taking the course? Or is this just a certification you're going through to dress up the resume?
I'm going this alone. The education is ... meh. It's a great design but reality and designs so rarely match up and basically the work described in the PMP process is an ideal which is never achieved.


Quote:

Also, is the answer to that question the one on the right?
You estimate time and cost before you determine the quality standards.

Quote:

UI wise - those arrows are a little confusing - coming from draw-something land, my first thought was that both were the answer - which couldn't be right.
I think the natural tendency is to click on the actual text itself which is slightly annoying from a programmatic side because the rectangle that encompasses the text changes in size. It's not an insurmountable problem but so often I get caught on something little like that and then the project just stops. Clicking on the arrows is how the user communicates which option they selected. Not right; but functional for now.

JohnnyVann 05-14-2012 02:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Merovigan (Post 431983)
Basically, as a manager you either have a PMP or an MBA. The PMP being the cheaper option, for those of us who have paid experience in management.

In the private sector the PMP is above BA but not equivalent to MBA. However jobs that require an MBA will accept an PMP but prefer MBA. At least in my experience

Ayu Sura 05-14-2012 03:04 PM

Hm. You'd think that time and cost would vary depending on what quality/standard you decide on - I guess it depends on what the priority is. Quality vs deadline. I guess can see why deadline would come first - pursuit of perfection may mean a never-ending project.

Okay, makes sense.

Merovigan 05-14-2012 07:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ayu Sura (Post 431987)
Hm. You'd think that time and cost would vary depending on what quality/standard you decide on - I guess it depends on what the priority is. Quality vs deadline. I guess can see why deadline would come first - pursuit of perfection may mean a never-ending project.

There's a very "PMP Way" mentality to all this. It's very much like learning how to speak English from a robot - they're technically correct but, dude, no one talks like that!


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