This fabric is stretched so thin...

[kita_dawg]

It isn't even fabric anymore. Just a tangled mess of threads.

Standing on the brink of a nervous breakdown is an annoying place to be. Everyone thinks I am just being selfish, lazy, apathetic, and rude. On the contrary, I just realize that caring so much is sending me to the edge. I try to pull back, but it goes against who I am. I just go back to my normal ways, sending me further down as I confirm to others I am capable of doing better. But living up to other's expectations that I apply my own high standards.. it isn't going to last much longer.

Maybe when I finally go hurtling off the edge at full speed, they will give me a break. Or write me off as a loss and move on. I fear the latter. The realization that no one gives a shit about these things but me. That others don't care that things I care about fall to ruin.

I'm just babbling.


I want a break. And I want out of this game. I never wanted to play, others keep signing me up.

And it doesn't help that I apparently am the community rag. When I am grouchy, EVERYONE around me gets pissy and grouchy. So more than just physical duties, I am once again obligated to keep everyone around me motivated and happy by pretending everything is fine and dandy.

I mean look at how pathetic I am! If I can be cheery about MY life, you can deal with yours too, k?

:noexpression: :dancing: :noexpression:




/lurks back to my corner

[Kristian]

It's the caring and supportive that get abused the most and burned out the quickest. The hardest part is learning when you have to start saying no, tuning out the needy whining, etc.

Take care of yourself first, because you're the one who has to live in your head.

If nothing else, just make sure you set aside time for yourself every day. Meditate ('zen timer' on the android app store is nice if you need a timer), or take a walk, or just find a quiet place to read on a lunch/break.

:cozy:

[Caroline_Ra]

Very difficult sometimes for a woman to draw the line between nurturing and indulging. I dont find any problems with it because Im very selfish and put my well being 1st. Difficult with babies and toddlers but once children are over that age they have to be given boundaries. Same goes with adults. I dont have to say no to ppl much because most ppl I know only ask me favours that they know are reasonable....theres nothing like the fear of a tirade of abuse to stop people asking you to do unreasonable things for them. (well except for one guy who seemed to love it, turned out to be quite profitable too).

Snap at people, tell them to fuck off an leave you alone youve had enough and need a break....people will always flog the willing horse.

I really doesnt pay to be nice sometimes, most ppl abuse it and dont appreciate it at all. Try to stop caring about people who dont seem to care about you.











.

[Morgaine Alter]

So many ppl feel it too kita your just the one who says it, I am sure.
Its hard to keep up w/expectations try to only live up to what you want and let the rest fall as they will for awhile. Maybe kinda like a personal mental vacation?

[Surreal]

:tacklehug: Finding the best balance between who you are and what you need can be exhausting. Hang in there and don't be afraid to lighten your load if that's what it takes to keep your boat afloat.

[kita_dawg]

/throws all the frosting flowers against the wall.

THEY ARE HARDER THAN THEY LOOK. After 4 months of practice, I average only 1 in 10 or so with usable roses each time I try to make one.

The new girl? She can hardly frost a cake, can't draw a design without sputters, but was making perfect roses three days after being taught.


:mad:

You see, no one actually ever got around to teaching me how. I had to pull out the decorator guide to try to figure it out. That got them to stop tipping at least. They petals still always melt together into a giant blob. I am not sure if the senior decorator wont teach me because she doesn't like me, or she can't explain in English. She taught the new girl, but has never raised a finger to try to teach me a goddamned thing. Only scolds me once in a while when I do something she doesn't like either because she is being picky or I just don't know better.

I feel so useless that I can't get such a basic down :(

[Malia]

Is the senior decorator so unapproachable that she doesn't respond to requests for help? That sucks. Double sucks that she helped someone else but not you. She's a poopyhead. :hug:

I'm a certified klutz and can't imagine being able to make a rose out of icing, so I can imagine how frustrating it must be.

Maybe you could find some video tutorials online for it that would help?

[Osprey Therian]

/throws all the frosting flowers against the wall.

THEY ARE HARDER THAN THEY LOOK. After 4 months of practice, I average only 1 in 10 or so with usable roses each time I try to make one.

The new girl? She can hardly frost a cake, can't draw a design without sputters, but was making perfect roses three days after being taught.


:mad:

You see, no one actually ever got around to teaching me how. I had to pull out the decorator guide to try to figure it out. That got them to stop tipping at least. They petals still always melt together into a giant blob. I am not sure if the senior decorator wont teach me because she doesn't like me, or she can't explain in English. She taught the new girl, but has never raised a finger to try to teach me a goddamned thing. Only scolds me once in a while when I do something she doesn't like either because she is being picky or I just don't know better.

I feel so useless that I can't get such a basic down :(

The senior decorator won't teach you because she can feel how close behind her you are. She wants to make sure there is something you have a hard time doing so you don't catch up then overtake her.

[vivi Odets]

:hug:

Been thinking about you and this op -- my random two centses!

* Is the senior decorator your official supervisor? Is training you part of her job description? You deserve to be well trained in your job and if somebody is dropping the ball by not helping you, they need to do what it takes to help you. This is not only for your happiness -- we all do better, feel better, when we have the tools we need -- but also for your job security. If making roses (or whatever) is an integral part of your job, you don't want to be penalized in a performance evaluation for something you weren't properly trained for.

(From my bit of cake decorating experience, it sounds like the frosting you're using might be the wrong consistancy -- if the flowers are "melting into blobs". Try something with a thicker/heavier consistancy, perhaps. And, spy on that new girl! Make her your new best friend -- see what she's doing!)

As for the really big picture -- alas, the fabric will feel thin over and over and over. But other times, it will feel luxurious and silky and wonderfully cozy. In the long run of life, the best thing is to try to always be true to yourself. Keep your expectations of yourself close to your heart and spirit, and do what you can to give the best you can -- FOR YOU -- at work, in relationships, wherever. That kind of helps to keep your spirit clean, helps to fend off bitterness, helps to keep you from losing yourself.

You're so far from useless, Kita! You're sweet and clever and silly and smart and creative and... you know, the list goes on! Nourish all your goodness!

:hug: